I worked a bit more on this one...I hope its heading more in the direction I was
originally shooting for. Any comments or criticism are welcome.
I fought for the right to choose.
Never suspecting I might lose.
Living a shattered existence, terrified.
Beyond a desolate world, terrorized.
As others sought to take my home.
I began to question what I've known.
Between the scattered stars, petrified.
Within a violent war, glorified?
They said the battle was grand and true.
But would the thousands dead think so too?
If these, my thoughts, make me weak.
I'm sorry, but it's forgiveness that I seek.
I've killed many men on my way back.
With each death, my soul did rack.
They said the battle was grand and true.
But why would anyone think so too?
Take it from a soldier who was there.
There is nothing glorious in warfare.
Very nice, this one is a lot better than your provious one. And I have a
friend that went through the same ordeal, lets just say he started out as
right-wing, self-rightous christian to a lay-back, agnostic hippy.
After working out ~ phew ~ mind is clear - this poem has a very good flow to it,
the right thoughts and verses put together. ~ (I still don't like em too open,
maybe a little more hidden meaning or play on words ((unless I missed it from
the so called clearity*)) ) ~
j0n0, is this the guy that was chubby and now is skinny? Name start with a T?
Sounds like him. j0n0 probably doesn't check previous forums - and wtf am i
doing up exercising (oh ya burning off the loser from my soul, i have issues
obviously)
Good job Sazriel, I don't usually give praise ~ but too many damned people died
already for what? Oil? Religion? Power?
All of that separates us from them, wtf are people (most poor than rich) doing
killing one another like it's the *right* thing to do... share with me the
secret, for i am dumbfounded
I worked a bit more on this one...I hope its heading more in the direction I was originally shooting for. Any comments or criticism are welcome.
I fought for the right to choose.
Never suspecting I might lose.
Living a shattered existence, terrified.
Beyond a desolate world, terrorized.
As others sought to take my home.
I began to question what I've known.
Between the scattered stars, petrified.
Within a violent war, glorified?
They said the battle was grand and true.
But would the thousands dead think so too?
If these, my thoughts, make me weak.
I'm sorry, but it's forgiveness that I seek.
I've killed many men on my way back.
With each death, my soul did rack.
They said the battle was grand and true.
But why would anyone think so too?
Take it from a soldier who was there.
There is nothing glorious in warfare.
very good never seen so much good thoughts put into a war theme
Nice poem!!! Even the fact that it deals with war don´t makes it bad! Keep it up!
Very nice, this one is a lot better than your provious one. And I have a friend that went through the same ordeal, lets just say he started out as right-wing, self-rightous christian to a lay-back, agnostic hippy.
After working out ~ phew ~ mind is clear - this poem has a very good flow to it, the right thoughts and verses put together. ~ (I still don't like em too open, maybe a little more hidden meaning or play on words ((unless I missed it from the so called clearity*)) ) ~
j0n0, is this the guy that was chubby and now is skinny? Name start with a T? Sounds like him. j0n0 probably doesn't check previous forums - and wtf am i doing up exercising (oh ya burning off the loser from my soul, i have issues obviously)
Good job Sazriel, I don't usually give praise ~ but too many damned people died already for what? Oil? Religion? Power?
All of that separates us from them, wtf are people (most poor than rich) doing killing one another like it's the *right* thing to do... share with me the secret, for i am dumbfounded