Erm, this poem is based on a pysho's mind longing for freedom outside the bars
(lol, that's not my experience, mind you...it's inspired from a movie I
saw)
Breaking free from the accusations,
running away like a troubled soul,
All the curses and condemption,
voices spinning and haunting my howls,
Feeling like a refugee lost,
hunted by your closest love,
Emotional pain hurling in full force,
swallowing up the fleeting shadows...
No where to turn to,
no one to look for,
Feeling all the hatred ripping out,
insanity slowly taking over......
Numbed and empty inside,
lost is forever the person in the past,
Overwhelming the human I used to be,
the craze devouring me...........
Your meter switches from even to odd without a change in emphasis and there's no
controlling metaphor. Some parts were good though. I likes the isocolon in lines
9 and 10.
I love it of course. I think you should remove the explanation though as it
stops me accidentally applying the poem to my life. If I didn't know the poems
history before I read it, I would probably find some part of myself there.
erm...I decided to make a story out of this in poem form (about past, present
and future)..lol
yup, here's more rantings of a physco..trying to escape out of the asluym
XP
Fearless.Physcotic.Mind
Radar of silence through the white halls,
the sense of fear long nulled,
As the longivity of the time calls,
the lost hero in me fled,
No longer the one sole protector,
everyone, everything....I have misjudged,
Lies and false identities were a mere factor,
regrets all emotions I touched,
Arouse and dawning with new determination,
my fear is dying through the sands of time,
A new person is born tainted,
my past forgotten, the voices remained...
Nice, I don't know why you added soo many extra periods............I'm just
guessing it is suppose to be a really long pause in the scenery on the poem.
hey! This sound pretty dam cool... and periods are cool ^_^ except for the one
women gets *just playing* anyway, you getting better at this so may be it's
better to make a topic just about your poem as well... Just so you can show your
work under one thread... Just a thought
lol...this time I'm writing about the physco's past before she's gone crazy..she
used to be of someone important and her changes has made a great impact towards
history. XP
My.Way.Your.Destiny (Twinsoul)
Breezing through the city lights,
rushing towards every corner ,
I am always wanted for fights,
with those forever made sinner,
Clashing with destiny, I was called,
a false identity forged and made,
With passion my enemies were stalled,
Victory was fast at my hand....
Till I come expecting perfect bliss,
the undenial betrayal of my accursed twin,
Turned the souls against my good cause,
fought my way through his sins,
Falling closer and deeper to the demon's wrath,
With a crest I ripped myself to pieces,
I made my vow to remain in vengeance,
my rebirth was hidden by my twin's ignorance......
Our deaths predicted...my destiny was forged,
my craze was just a mask,
Waiting behind...this shadowed reality,
was the unfinished yet unforgotten task.....
again...bears a resemblance to the reaver on who he will become, very
interesting, but i doesn;t really rhyme, more like it tells a real intense
person's story, very good.
perhaps again, just what i was looking for...
Hey! I like this one alot ^^, I think it's one of my fav from you poem side (I
have a few). Has a nice flow to it... You have a way with words so keep it up.
Thanks for sharing it...
Erm, this poem is based on a pysho's mind longing for freedom outside the bars (lol, that's not my experience, mind you...it's inspired from a movie I saw)
Breaking free from the accusations,
running away like a troubled soul,
All the curses and condemption,
voices spinning and haunting my howls,
Feeling like a refugee lost,
hunted by your closest love,
Emotional pain hurling in full force,
swallowing up the fleeting shadows...
No where to turn to,
no one to look for,
Feeling all the hatred ripping out,
insanity slowly taking over......
Numbed and empty inside,
lost is forever the person in the past,
Overwhelming the human I used to be,
the craze devouring me...........
wow..dark and nice...cool poem my friend! Keep it up! I'll be waiting for more of your works...teehee...^_^
Your meter switches from even to odd without a change in emphasis and there's no controlling metaphor. Some parts were good though. I likes the isocolon in lines 9 and 10.
wow....another inspiration....
wow....
movie...? which one, should be cool. sounds like underworld
Movie? is it The exorcism of Emily ross?
Sorry for not being around... so busy lately...
Dark...but...magic. Cool!
I love it of course. I think you should remove the explanation though as it stops me accidentally applying the poem to my life. If I didn't know the poems history before I read it, I would probably find some part of myself there.
Keep 'em coming
wow! this explains everything i feel... I guess...
It's good even get better I think
not
sure what movie you are talking about. Sounds cool though...
Its not too bad of a poem, it is very cold and mysterious and that gives it a cool twist.
good job, thnx 4 sharing
Wah, so dark....scary...but cool..
erm...I decided to make a story out of this in poem form (about past, present and future)..lol
yup, here's more rantings of a physco..trying to escape out of the asluym XP
Fearless.Physcotic.Mind
Radar of silence through the white halls,
the sense of fear long nulled,
As the longivity of the time calls,
the lost hero in me fled,
No longer the one sole protector,
everyone, everything....I have misjudged,
Lies and false identities were a mere factor,
regrets all emotions I touched,
Arouse and dawning with new determination,
my fear is dying through the sands of time,
A new person is born tainted,
my past forgotten, the voices remained...
yay, nice poem ^_^........cool, I love thiz style
Nice, I don't know why you added soo many extra periods............I'm just guessing it is suppose to be a really long pause in the scenery on the poem.
hey! This sound pretty dam cool... and periods are cool ^_^ except for the one women gets *just playing* anyway, you getting better at this so may be it's better to make a topic just about your poem as well... Just so you can show your work under one thread... Just a thought
Muah.
I love it. ^^
lol...this time I'm writing about the physco's past before she's gone crazy..she used to be of someone important and her changes has made a great impact towards history. XP
My.Way.Your.Destiny (Twinsoul)
Breezing through the city lights,
rushing towards every corner ,
I am always wanted for fights,
with those forever made sinner,
Clashing with destiny, I was called,
a false identity forged and made,
With passion my enemies were stalled,
Victory was fast at my hand....
Till I come expecting perfect bliss,
the undenial betrayal of my accursed twin,
Turned the souls against my good cause,
fought my way through his sins,
Falling closer and deeper to the demon's wrath,
With a crest I ripped myself to pieces,
I made my vow to remain in vengeance,
my rebirth was hidden by my twin's ignorance......
Our deaths predicted...my destiny was forged,
my craze was just a mask,
Waiting behind...this shadowed reality,
was the unfinished yet unforgotten task.....
again...bears a resemblance to the reaver on who he will become, very interesting, but i doesn;t really rhyme, more like it tells a real intense person's story, very good.
perhaps again, just what i was looking for...
nice and dark poem..i like and love this kind of poem so keep it up okay...teehee....^_^
about microtokyo...sometimes it's quite emoty but, it's fun posting there
Hey! I like this one alot ^^, I think it's one of my fav from you poem side (I have a few). Has a nice flow to it... You have a way with words so keep it up. Thanks for sharing it...
i like it soo much...
really cool
yeah, you rock good job! i like it alot your very talented
Good, better.... ^^
Keep it Up...
tell me when you're famous... ^^
Not bad, I don't have a poet's soul to fully enjoy your work but you have some talents.
Especially the "past" part.