I saw there was a Santa thread a week ago, but this is another subject of it.
Just for a laugh.
SANTA CLAUS: AN ENGINEER'S PERSPECTIVE
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or
Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for
Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population
Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household,
that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child
in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time
zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which
seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that
for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a
second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings,
distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been
left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the
next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed
around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the
purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per
household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or
breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times
the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle,
the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a
conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each
child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is
carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a
conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the
"flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job
can't be done with eight or even nine of them--Santa would need 360,000 of them.
This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another
54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship,
not the monarch).
600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance--this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft
re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3
quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into
flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating
deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized
within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the
fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a
dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected
to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously
slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force,
instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of
pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. Merry Christmas.
The last bit after all the complication is most funny of it all....
you calculated his death through massive scientific detail and then the last bit
is the conclusion, yes, he exist i think but he would have been dead...crushed
by his own speed and forces of obstruction. Lol. massive coolness.
I just can't get all of the images that come to mind as you read the post. I can
still see Santa impaled in the back of the head by a toy sail boat mast as he
comes to a lightning fast stop. His reindeer panting and gasping as they strugle
to pull his 500 thousand ton sleigh. I mean what a riot.
But I have to ask. What the hell kind of engineer are you?!?
God bless science and physics. How else could you prove that a Legendary Icon
like Santa Claus would be dead for a plethora of reasons.
As I vaguely recall, Santa derived from some kind of saint I believe? Anyways,
I've read that before as well, but it never ceases to give me a good laugh. Lol,
here's another similar, but less funny one, copied directly from another forum a
long long time ago. And I apologise in advance for the final line, I can't think
of a decent replacement (so I hope its within the MT guidelines... if not, then
please edit or delete this post mods)
How the Economists can spoil Christmas
Assumption.
Santa exists.
Reasoning.
Without this assumption this analysis can not exist; since you are reading this
it must exist, therefore Santa exists.
Data Analysis. (regression based on sample)
From our survey of 10 people we can extrapolate to reach a conclusion that the 2
billion children in the world commit a total of 2,375 billion bad deeds in the
course of a year. This means that there is a 0.00000136% chance of 1+ child
'earning' a present from Santa, or a relative frequency of this event occuring
in one year out of every 735,294 years.
Conclusion.
Santa exists, but cannot be proven to exist because he will never have to
deliver any presents due to the extreme unlikeliness that any child will be good
all year.
Assumption.
Since he can not be proven to exist with more than a 0.00000136% accuracy, we
can assume he does not exist. So you might as well sh!t on your stupid sister's
pillow before she wakes up on Christmas Day.
That funny too. Still all the physics involved in the first post just takes the
cake. I still am laughing my rear end off. I bet this is circulated at NASA
every holiday season!
The simple solution to this complex problem is that santa is clearly much more
technologically advanced than we once thought, he has inertial dampeners and a
spatial compressor installed onto his "sleigh" (actually a fleet of no
less than twenty 5,000,000 ton, 3500m long fortress ships) which have multiple
and numerous matter-transmission capable boarding transporters aboard to
transport presents to each and every living child of earth, Omniscient sphere
sensor installations so that only children or adults who believe in him will
actually receive gifts *from* him, complex deployment patterns and schemes,
hordes of planetfall capable small craft which can further distribute presents,
etc.
The myth of the base of operations being allocated at the north pole is a bunch
of crap, truth is that his bases of operations are in fact on the dark side of
the moon, as does he also have production facilities on the Moons of Jupiter and
Saturn, as well as underground facilities on Mars, and production yards for the
maintenance and deployments of his fleet that also orbit Jupiter. The reason why
we haven't said anything though is because he *is* Santa Claus and that the
portrayal of him as a big, jolly fat guy is also quite flawed, as that he is in
fact a massive, hideous alien with a heart of gold and a taste for egg nog and
cookies.
*Gurrgle breep srraach, gargle rraaaagghhh!*
(Rough Translation: "Merry christmas to all, and to all a good
night.")
I saw there was a Santa thread a week ago, but this is another subject of it. Just for a laugh.
SANTA CLAUS: AN ENGINEER'S PERSPECTIVE
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them--Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance--this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected
to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. Merry Christmas.
LOL..wtf..this is funny in a complicated way..
but..I don't believe in that fat guy
I've already read that...
Using scientific explanations for a fantasy...
The last bit after all the complication is most funny of it all....
you calculated his death through massive scientific detail and then the last bit is the conclusion, yes, he exist i think but he would have been dead...crushed by his own speed and forces of obstruction. Lol. massive coolness.
hahaha, that's a fantastic bit of trivia. But what if Santa didn't travel in the conventional sense? Maybe he can teleport himself! o_O
LMAO, thats beautiful. such simple calculations leading to that awesome conclusion.
Absolutely brilliant!.!.!
This has to be one of the best posts on MT.
I just can't get all of the images that come to mind as you read the post. I can still see Santa impaled in the back of the head by a toy sail boat mast as he comes to a lightning fast stop. His reindeer panting and gasping as they strugle to pull his 500 thousand ton sleigh. I mean what a riot.
But I have to ask. What the hell kind of engineer are you?!?
God bless science and physics. How else could you prove that a Legendary Icon like Santa Claus would be dead for a plethora of reasons.
One of the best. Kudos! Duuz
That's rich. I can't think of a better way to describe Santa's exsistance.
Who came up with the idea of Santa anyway?
As I vaguely recall, Santa derived from some kind of saint I believe? Anyways, I've read that before as well, but it never ceases to give me a good laugh. Lol, here's another similar, but less funny one, copied directly from another forum a long long time ago. And I apologise in advance for the final line, I can't think of a decent replacement (so I hope its within the MT guidelines... if not, then please edit or delete this post mods)
How the Economists can spoil Christmas
Assumption.
Santa exists.
Reasoning.
Without this assumption this analysis can not exist; since you are reading this it must exist, therefore Santa exists.
Data Analysis. (regression based on sample)
From our survey of 10 people we can extrapolate to reach a conclusion that the 2 billion children in the world commit a total of 2,375 billion bad deeds in the course of a year. This means that there is a 0.00000136% chance of 1+ child 'earning' a present from Santa, or a relative frequency of this event occuring in one year out of every 735,294 years.
Conclusion.
Santa exists, but cannot be proven to exist because he will never have to deliver any presents due to the extreme unlikeliness that any child will be good all year.
Assumption.
Since he can not be proven to exist with more than a 0.00000136% accuracy, we can assume he does not exist. So you might as well sh!t on your stupid sister's pillow before she wakes up on Christmas Day.
That funny too. Still all the physics involved in the first post just takes the cake. I still am laughing my rear end off. I bet this is circulated at NASA every holiday season!
Again, KUDOS! Duuz
The simple solution to this complex problem is that santa is clearly much more technologically advanced than we once thought, he has inertial dampeners and a spatial compressor installed onto his "sleigh" (actually a fleet of no less than twenty 5,000,000 ton, 3500m long fortress ships) which have multiple and numerous matter-transmission capable boarding transporters aboard to transport presents to each and every living child of earth, Omniscient sphere sensor installations so that only children or adults who believe in him will actually receive gifts *from* him, complex deployment patterns and schemes, hordes of planetfall capable small craft which can further distribute presents, etc.
The myth of the base of operations being allocated at the north pole is a bunch of crap, truth is that his bases of operations are in fact on the dark side of the moon, as does he also have production facilities on the Moons of Jupiter and Saturn, as well as underground facilities on Mars, and production yards for the maintenance and deployments of his fleet that also orbit Jupiter. The reason why we haven't said anything though is because he *is* Santa Claus and that the portrayal of him as a big, jolly fat guy is also quite flawed, as that he is in fact a massive, hideous alien with a heart of gold and a taste for egg nog and cookies.
*Gurrgle breep srraach, gargle rraaaagghhh!*
(Rough Translation: "Merry christmas to all, and to all a good night.")
-Acyx
So the face that can be seen on Mars is really part of Santa's underground facilities.?.
This would explain a lot.
Any ideas on the whole Elf thingy?!?
What type of propulstion does all of this said equipment use?
I feel there will be more questions than answers to this matter...
Here's a lump of coal for you Acyx. Maybe you can turn it into a diamond with one of your incredible gadgets.