This is my other poem.This poem is connect with my first poem.Hope you like too.

Already passed four years ,
four years never saw you again,
after you promised me,
you will came back from war
to give a surprise for me .

How could destiny change everything,
to separate us to other world.
So your surprise is your death....
Why....you just go away and died.

I just can missing you hopefully,
remember you stay with me together,
face our problems and play when child.
Now all just become a story......

I miss you repeat and repeat,
like the desert miss the rain.
Wish to tell you my feeling,
But ....but why you just leaving.

I cant hear your sound ,
Like you left a wound.
If I only can see you in dream,
I wish I dont want wake up forever.

Any comment ? Thank you to read this.

the poem has a nice theme but u still need to work on your grammar..it sort of dampens the mood here..other than that..I like the words u used like desert needs rain n.n

This is truly beautiful! I liked this! The two last stanzas are very pretty and touching! The rhythm is kinda good too! Congrats!

nicely done. thank you for sharing. like Milkiyo says work a bit on your grammer other than that it is good

keep it up

yes...this is very sad... ...

wow this is a really great poem. you did better on your grammar but i still think it needs work. keep it up!