Today I took the risk of attempting to confide in someone that I have never confided in before. However, after barely scratching the surface of my difficulty, this person immediately begins to lecture me. This reaction caused me to instantly close my mouth and no longer want to speak at all. I usually keep things to myself, but today I felt the need to talk to someone, so I took the risk of speaking with this person. While she confides in me on a regular basis, I thought I could do the same with her. But instead of getting a listening ear, I found myself pushed into a lecture... Sometimes a person wants someone to hear their trouble, understand or just listen, without asking for an opinion. Many times I've listened to her without passing judgement... Is it so hard to be given the same courtesy?

Have you ever been in a similar situation? You take the risk of confiding in someone, only to be silenced before you even get a chance to speak what is really on your mind? Do you find yourself no longer wanting to take that risk again? Why do people automatically feel the need to give advice or lecture when someone is just looking for a listening ear?

well...lucky you...I'd just receive this from my friend....hope you like this one...*it's a sort of advice...i think it works in every kind of stuff like in your case

Tomorrow can be too late!

If you're mad with someone , and nobody's there to fix the situation... You fix it .
Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend . And if u don't, tomorrow can be too late .

If you're in love with somebody , but that person doesn't know... tell her/him.
Maybe today, that person is also in love with you .
And if you don't say it, tomorrow can be too late .

If you really want to kiss somebody... kiss her/him.
Maybe that person wants a kiss from you, too . And if you don't kiss her/him today, tomorrow can be too late .

If you still love a person that you think has forgetten you... tell her/him.
Maybe that person have always loved you. And if you don't tell her/him today , tomorrow can be too late.

If you need a hug of a friend... ask her/him for it.
Maybe they need it more than you do. And if you don't ask for it today, tomorrow can be too late.

If you really have friends who you appreciate... tell them.
Maybe they appreciate you as well. That if you don't and they leave or go far away today , tomorrow can be too late.


If you love your parents, and never had the chance to show them... do it .
Maybe you have them there to show them how you feel. That if you don't and they leave today , then tomorrow can be too late.

I have had similar experiences in the past. I am always there for my friends when they need someone to listen to their problems. But when I want to speak out my opinions or feelings, they often ignore me or make fun of my accent or cut me off in the middle of something important. It was through these experiences that I slowly started to isolate myself and almost always kept my mouth shut.

After a few years after those experiences and a few changes I have started to learn to find my voice and speak out my problems to others. I have come to realize that the other people should stop and listen to what i have to say before cutting me off, forcing me to retreat to silence. It is sometimes best to speak out and be heard or else you may end up regreating it later on.

Some people might feel the need to give advice or lecture when others are merely looking for someone to listen is because they care about you and might not want you to go through the same experience that they once had to go through. Or they may have felt the need to speak out their opinions.

Ha, I don't really trust anyone enough to tell them something personal about me. I generally keep things to myself, but the things I do tell others I couldn't care less if they told others or not (e.g. I'm against sexuality).

I used to when I was younger though. I do think there are supposed to be psychological benefits to speaking with others, but I'm happy with keeping things to myself.

Well i am sorry it turned out that way but now you understand the persons true nature. I never confide in friends unless i Know them in and out. Hope everything goes well with you.

Shinsen89

I've been in similar situations. Unfortunately, its how many people work. Some people are better talkers, some are better listeners. On occasion you get people that have some sort of balance at both, although it can also depend on what mood people are in. For instance, if someone wants to talk to me, I'm much more likely to listen if I'm in a good mood - if I'm in a bad mood, I'm far more likely to shut my door and neither talk nor listen to anybody much.

for me, i rather be a good listener haha ^^".... coz i like to keep things to myself, and sometimes i oso found the nit to talk with someone, but i just want pure chit chatting... coz it made me forget the problem im having xD maybe next time i shud try to be a better talker lol..... is talker not stalker lol, but dunno i can do it or not ><" i oso want to share my problem xD

i had that problem too, so that's why from now on, i will NEVER confide in someone else for as long as i live. a few friends on the net are helpful, but i rather keep my real problems 2 myself. so i've learned my lesson, and it goes like this:

do u have problems and are in need?
if someone tries to help,ignore them indeed!

now i have a few friends on the net that i confide in but i will never try 2 explain my problems in real life. i'm one of the leave-me-alone types so i won't really talk a lot. sorry i couldn't be of any help.

I'm a very good listener.

I have a lot of people who would confide in me. But I never confide in them back. The people who confide in me are always talking about themselves and what this person did to upset them, misuse them... Drama. Boring. Also, I know if I try to confide in them, they won't listen because it's not their problems.

But I have friends who always turns to me. They don't mind if I give my opinions. I love my friends. When they need me, I'm there. I sometimes confide in them, too. ^__^

I have my sister, too. ^__^ She's so wonderful! ^__^ But I don't confide in my sister as much, anyways.

I just usually deal with it. Live with it. Or solve the problem. ^__^

When my friends confide in me they do so with even the most serious problems that they need to talk about in their lives. I listen respectfully and help or give counsel however I can.

In many cases, if you have continually listened to them without interruption or a voiced response, that person gets used to having control in a conversation, also known as having attention. Sometimes you just have to listen to these people, and when the time is right discuss it with them, voice that it is important to you for them to listen and hear the whole things out.

I have experienced, seen, or know about some of the worst things in life. When my friends come to me I listen to them, and at the end I voice my option on the situation, if I strongly disagree I gently handle the situation to get them to see all sides of things. Rarely does one need to interrupt others in order to stop or answer things they are inevitably going to say.

Many people don't grasp these concepts and have an impaired perspective on subjects, believing impulsively that they need to interrupt to regain control of the conversation.

If any of this doesn't make sense send me a PM about it I tend to want to make sure people understand my incessant ramblings.

Really, Really, simple. Tell them to shut up and listen. I know most people who keep crap like that, bottled inside, tend to go crazy snd do anything. Listen, and anyone who has the same problem. Let it out. never hold it in. tell someone, or beat the crap out of a punching bag, I don't care. If the person that your trying to open up to, all the sudden starts 'lectering' you, tell them to 'shut up and listen!'. I speak from expierence. Friend have died because they could handle the pressure, or someone esle couldn't. Trust me...I know. Santana High, May 5, 2001. Peace.

Its just a matter of picking the right person to speak to, I'm the kind of person who often gest the kind of treatment you're tlking about, that is being cut oof before I get to explain what I'm trying to tell them.

I often want to just tell them to shut up and listen, but if they were going to listen at all, they wouldn't need to be told, so its a waste of time from my experience.

Just make sure the don't misunderstand you and find someone who is willing o help, the type who asks if you're okay when you look upset, ect...

True, but if the person is either sensitive or unstable, it would be unwise to yell at them.

I bottle up more things and longer inside of me than anyone I have ever known... Punching bags don't help, it has little satisfaction. But anyways, Im also better at handling more things than most people. Actually i made my current title and avatar based on my bottled up feelings. "Burning Inside"

It happens to me a lot at school because nobody understands where I'm coming from nor do they respect my opinion. Oh well, screw them, they're about as important to me as sewer-spew on a silver platter. You can bet I'll be very reluctant to trust them with helping me on any of my Project Vehicles for the duration of this course. Or anything else, for that matter. Whereas, you, on the other hand are far important to me than all of them combined. Why? Because you are a Damn Good Listener, that's why!

I too had the same experience yesterday and so I ignored it. You should learn to ignore it all. You know a listener is far better than the speakers. And if you want to tell something to anyone you can ofcourse tell me, right?

Find someone else to talk to. She obviously doesn't want to know anything about you, and ten to one, she'd blab it around.

Good listeners are hard to come by. You're a good listener. I've been told I'm a good listener who's good with advice because I'm empathetic and I know what to do in a tough situation.

I get treated like that a lot. I just wait til I get home or I wait until my friends Heather and Lyndsay sign on because I can tell them anything and I know they'll listen.

*Sigh*, most people in my life are like that to some degree or another; then again, I'm like that (really) rarely. Trying to talk for once, not just a complaint, just trying to work out a problem between two of my friends-or just even trying to talk to them normally-and the interruptions start. Like what eXDream2K5 said, "Good listeners are hard to come by." Also, I agree with their saying you are a good listener-you are obviously more mature than this person you're having difficulty with.

"Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry, and you cry alone." -?

*sigh* I guess you should find someone else to confide into.. I mean that person is really mean, if she regularly confides in you but doesn't let you confide in her..

Thats one of the reasons why you will never hear anything personal from me past a certain point. I believe that there are few people who think like me, and therefore understand me, so its pointless to confide in them. Hehe, I sound like a sensitive artist.

People like talking to me because I'm a good listener. Alot of the time they tell me things that they wouldn't even tell thier on mothers (which is fine, because thier secrets will go with me to the grave). I listen without trying to lecture people when they ask me for my two cents. I give them the best advise possible and many even agree with me that whatever I said works. The problem is, many of them don't take my advise and end up falling into calamity and I they come back to me, telling me how they messed and what should they do to get out of that jam. Well, big Surprise! Ya Should've listened to me in the first place! It's really annoying. anyway, I really don't have much problems that I need someone to confide into, do really do anything that will put me in jeopardy. When I do have problems, I usually pray about it. That helps.

It kind of happens with my teacher. I try to say one thing and she gives me lectures on her own perception on my behavior, which is only one-sided and blown out of proportion.

ever been interoggated by the police? they always do that to you. and don't worry i didn't do anything..

If people want to tell me things I let them tell me
and if someone is willing to listen to me then I would do more for them because they do more for me.

I'm like that too. I listen, but don't get a chance to talk.
And when I do talk, I keep getting interupted.
Very hard to make your point. It's actually rather infuriating.