I sit here now, your hand in mine
Watch you lay still before me
Images
Images vague and clear
Flash inside my head
Like still pictures in my mind
I see you,
I see our past,
Everything we had together
And I ask myself
Why?
Why this? Why now?
Why you?
I look around,
Seeking an answer
A reply that I know none can give
I close my eyes
Hope the pain will end
Try to escape the encasing torment
Avoid the grasp of sorrow's hands
In my heart,
A hole, an endless void forms where you are
Where you will be no longer
A single tear streams down my face
Another following in its path
As I look into your eyes shut
Eyes that will never open again
And suddenly the truth
Strikes hard in my heart
An explosion of emotions overwhelm
I sit here now, your hand in my own
Watch you lay still before me
Never to wake again...
-------
So it's obviously about somebody mourning over the death of a loved one.. The
bumpy flow and rythm? It's what happens when somebody like me tries to describe
the abstract emotions of the moment. Comment all you like, but pls not too
harsh..
*claps,claps* BRAVO! BRAVO! RITUEL! its awesome!the best one so far i believe,
you use lots of description and structure! Like en you just left one line
"Why?" and nothing else that emphasises your feels in the poem. I give
it an A+ Rituel, this is very good
This one I can truely visualise is, which means this is a great poem ^^ I
totally loved the words you used in this one, I
liked how you combined the concepts together!
A Poem of Loss
I sit here now, your hand in mine
Watch you lay still before me
Images
Images vague and clear
Flash inside my head
Like still pictures in my mind
I see you,
I see our past,
Everything we had together
And I ask myself
Why?
Why this? Why now?
Why you?
I look around,
Seeking an answer
A reply that I know none can give
I close my eyes
Hope the pain will end
Try to escape the encasing torment
Avoid the grasp of sorrow's hands
In my heart,
A hole, an endless void forms where you are
Where you will be no longer
A single tear streams down my face
Another following in its path
As I look into your eyes shut
Eyes that will never open again
And suddenly the truth
Strikes hard in my heart
An explosion of emotions overwhelm
I sit here now, your hand in my own
Watch you lay still before me
Never to wake again...
-------
So it's obviously about somebody mourning over the death of a loved one.. The bumpy flow and rythm? It's what happens when somebody like me tries to describe the abstract emotions of the moment. Comment all you like, but pls not too harsh..
*claps,claps* BRAVO! BRAVO! RITUEL! its awesome!the best one so far i believe, you use lots of description and structure! Like en you just left one line "Why?" and nothing else that emphasises your feels in the poem. I give it an A+ Rituel, this is very good
well i have to say that you captured it really well... * claps along with anima241* i agree bravo.
keep it up my friend
wow wonderful
really love this poem
This one I can truely visualise is, which means this is a great poem ^^ I totally loved the words you used in this one,
I
liked how you combined the concepts together!
well i'm glad everyone so far likes it.. thanks ^^
Keep on Keepin' on.
I think you did pretty good here.. keep working on it..
coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo(...) yay I like how it turned out ^^ really like it! keep it up
*HUGS*
melissa