This thread is prob like any other one out there but i need your opinion on my situation. Ok, me and my father don't get along very well. He expects great things from me since i'm the first generation that was born in america. So, i maintain a good grade point average and i don't go out as much and i don't see my friends that much either plus i can't dye my hair. He is one of those old fasion asian dads where he is like "god" and controls everything.

I would put up with all his crap if only i can keep my hair long. BUT...he wants me to cut my hair. I don't want that. Its totally unfair. Its already bad enough that my father thinks i'm too "childish" with all the anime around my room. There are times where i wish i could just get away but the problem is that i can't support myself yet.

This maybe an issue but i'll just add it in. I get along with my mother very well and my brother looks up to me for support and i always back up my lil bro. My mother doesn't want to let me go (typical of parents i guess to see her baby grow up)

Ok enough with the story...straight to the point. Should i move out or put up with my gay a** father till i graduate? OR you have another opinion that could help me out.

EDIT: Yea i do love my father. My father is like the leader of his family. He does what is "best." What piss me off is that he doesn't have common sense. He listens to the older people whom i refer as the "elders." The elders of course live in the traditional asian style. Thats already hell in america for me.

STORY ABOUT MY MENTAL BREAKDOWN: Ok, about last year. My grades gradually started to drop (barely could maintain a B). He was affecting me emotionally. One time after school, my dad told me that my mom got hurt at the store. He blamed it on me because i wasn't there to protect her. It was the first time in my life that i cried in front of him. Usually i maintain a strong typical guy that can withstand anything but i cared for my mom so much that i actually took my dad's crap and blamed myself for her well being.

GOOD RELATIONS WITH FATHER: I had a heart to heart conversation with him from time to time. We have movie night most of the time and i sometimes help him with his mechanic work in the garage. He is a good man till the asian genes kick in.

All i ask is to keep my hair. It defines who i am and my own style. We made a deal long ago about my hair issue where i can grow it till summer. The deal was not to dye my hair and let my hair be in the way of my face. So summer came up and i cut it but not my sideburns. Up until now, he wants me to cut it again. Its barely even long. Don't tell me i have to cut this off? This isn't jus about hair but its about maintaining your identity. Sorry to make this a big deal.

Who knows? Maybe its time to walk into the world of adulthood.

Um. The problem is, there is none. =_= It's just normal for parents to do so. You may be 18, but the fact that you are his son will not change. And if you don't finish your school yet, or when you are studying you should still stay at home. Because this is really important. And if it's getting worser ask a friend for help. You could live in a flat share e.g. (that's what I want to do) But if you move out you still have to find a job though.

im also a first generation asian in my family, and my dad expects great things from me. my dad use to act like the so called 'god' until i had a talk with him. i was growing up and that old fashioned way of disciplining me was not working. my advice would be to talk to him. you could compromise. i told my dad that i will bring him great things in exchange for freedom as in let me go out, and decide things by myself. afterall, my parents did come to america to give me a better life, not boss me around. my father and i are more like siblings now, he is wise yet childish. i hope this helps ;;

hnm.... Personally I have mother issues every day of my life, but to me, she's not worth my energy to get all worked up over. However all of the pressure your father puts on you can add to the stress quite a bit, so i suggest you have a very serious descussion with him and know that the law of America is on your side, so don't hold back on anything oyu want to say, and if your father doesn't wish to accept it, then you should move out.

hey there

we all disagree with our parents. I do everyday still . Hve you tried stiing down with your parents and just talk about what is going on? thats without shouting. I know how it feels to have paernts that are strict, my dad before was more like my grandad but now i've grown up were ok. I dont think it is a good idea to move out, not until you finish your highschool. Becausde if you move out where would you go? do you have a job that can help support you? Living on our own is really hard, Iv'e seen many of my friends do that in England when they were 15 and the conditions they lived in weren't very good. Maybe you could do with a break, like a weekend vacation so you can relax and think on it. try and get a compromise about the hair, try to talk to your mum so she might be able to convince your dad. I always do that. Just hang in there and stay strong. Hope you manage to sort it all out.

ok, we all can tell you we understand and all that stuff, but when someone asks for an opinion or an advice, we have to understand fully that it is our responsability to give one that is worthy. look, as an adult to a -bosu, listen well... truthfully we all have to go through parental issues even those who appear to have the "perfect" parents. if you understand that your situation is of an abused minor, go to the proper authorities, but what you speak here does not show such signs. well, these situations help you to grow character, so be patient, keep studying and be strong.
may the force be with you, padawan

I really think it's up to you, I mean if you truly think that you can make it out there on your own then go for it. But if you think there is a chance you mite fail then you must also think about the fact that your father may not take you back because of your act of betrayal. But most of the time these things seem to work themselves out. So i wish you all the luck in the world.

It really is up to you. Sometimesparents know best, and I'd like to think that most parents out there do the things they do out of love for their child and wanting the best for them. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be your own person. If you don't want to cut your hair, then don't.

I think telling something about myself can help you, X-gear. I don't live with my parents. Almost ten years ago, I had my last real conversation with my father, and two years ago, with my mother. Today, I conversate quickly with my parents via the telephone, because we live far from each other, and I'm really busy. I know my parents love me, but, X-gear, I hated them. They are selfish to the point they harm my and my brother and sisters life plans. They didn't change their mind. Still. Time solves everything.
Including myself... Today I don't hate my parents. They made their best, X-gear. Ask my parents, and they answer without doubt they are excellent parents. I discovered I must do the evolution and be a better father than mine, and the mother of my future sons and/or daughters must be a better mother than mine. To accomplish it, I must leave hate behind. Someday, I'll have real conversations with my parents again.
I think your parents are different of my parents, X-gear. In my family, there's a lot of 'strong personality' people. Sometimes difficult to handle... Almost all the times (laughs). I think we must give away some things in order to have a good family life. I ask you, X-gear, am I wrong?
I'll be 31 years old in October, and I love manga and anime. It's even better I pay my bills and taxes and nobody can judge me. I conversate with my parents a lot of years ago, and they had to understand my likes and dislikes.

Growing up, I had made the decision to be a police officer. I always wanted to help others and make a difference for others. My dad also was "old school".

Females in his mind did not become cops. It was a man's job. Well, I'm not a cop lol. Yes he won that battle, but mainly because I couldn't put myself through police college and training.

All parents are going to do things we disagree with. Even now with kids of my own, every day I get "awwwwwwwww mommmmm! You're so mean!" lol

But, I've changed the way that my kids are being brought up from the way I was. I give reasons to my "NO's". So they understand at least why. My dad was very strict so I can understand how you feel.

In time you'll realize they were only doing their best.

Instead of fully moving out, maybe think of going to college that you would have to live on campus. It will give you a taste of real life, as well as put some distance between the two of you. I'm sure your father wants you to have good schooling also. So it's a bit of a comprimise of what you want and what your dad may want.

Being away at university, will give you time apart, and that time may just what you both need, because as they say "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Well dude, the way how you life is is way better than my was, so your father want big things from you, my father was the same way, the big diferent was that i wasn't good enought to do something big, well you see he want me to become a man of hard work, a totally machine, but like i say i wasn't good enought, why? because my body is no so healty, the real key was my brain, but i dind't get the chance to go to college, when i turn 16 i start to live on my own, believe it or not it was hard as hell, because i have to learn how to live alone, i was so young and i dind't knew anything back there.

Now i'm just one year older than you, i have my job, have to pay bills, everything a old man have to do, i don't have the same luck like you, you just have to hang in there for some time, need to talk with someone, you know were to find me, but believe me dude, life is not ease at all when you are alone.

my daddy is the same way and i am sure that i have it worst then you because i am an asian girl.

well. all i have to say to you is this. move out if you please but can you financially afford to do so? if you cant or dont think that you can then dont, because then you will eventually have to come back home and that will only giving him boasting rights. i say wait til you graduate then go to a college far away. thaat way, i am guessing your parents are going to pay for some of the college expenses and you dont have to run home if anything happens. thats what i am planning to do. besides if your dad is anything like my father then he would be pissed if you moved out which is not a good thing. that's all i have to say to you. good luck.

it sucks being asain and being vietnamese (in my case) or at least to an extent it sucks...

lol my dad is the same to me as well, i am also an asian girl
he thinks i will stay his little girl forever

but as to your problem i guess its only up to you to gauge how much you want to move out/keep your hair against how well u can put up with your father.

although moving out means you have to have your own financial support, etc. u have to wash, clean, cook, pay your own bills etc. theres always a price to pay, and if you want your freedom enough to put up with that stuff happily i guess thats your answer.

most asian parents are probably like your father. Lord knows if i came home with hair like yours my dad would throw a fit. As cool as your hair do is/was.

Every one gets angry at their parents and disagree about hundreds of things but in the end you just have to tell yourself that they have put themselves through a whole hell of a lot to raise you and just be grateful for it.

My parents are almost the same. Try to move as faw away as you can when you can afford to. I think it'd be better that way.

Hmm... I'm an asian girl too and like you, first generation born in foreign country. It's really that our parents wants us to have better life unlike (maybe) they once had. Though it really is outrages not to mention unfair to blame on you that incident that happened with your mother was your fault! You need to speak to him about that. And about studies; you should tell him straight on that you need a break from studies from time to time. I maintained 2 year back excellent grades (I barely had Bs at all) just because I had free time and not being bothered so much about school work. So you need to relax in order to have enough of spirits to study. Since unlike last year; I didn't have so much of freetime due to that I needed to study more to keep my grades up. But my parents realized it was a bad choice so they decided to let me slide off.
What goes for your hair you should tell him that you deserve to have your own style if you like it. My friend is always telling me I should do what I want and not what my parents want (though she's an overprotective friend she's usually right ). They should see that as long as your happy and doing fine then they should let it slide. As long as it isn't dangerous

Its not just asians. Both of my parents would take one look at both of those haircuts and desire a change. In my most not so humble opinion, you make too big a deal out of this. Your hair is not your identity. Your personality and memories are.

As far as I'm concerned: His house, his rules. He's not asking you to cut off your left arm.

haha me too....... im asian too...............my dad is so over protective.........my hair used to be to my butt.........gosh that was long.................but then my mom broke all the rules and let me cut my hair......guys with long hair are so cute...... so forget ur dad.........most people say it jux hair but it'll grow back...bu twarever do want u want............sry i was no help

I guess you should try to negotiate more with him. You increase your grades at school and he lets you have long hair. If you gratuate pretty well , passes to college, whatever, you can paint it in purple, blondie...
What I mean is, if you keep you promisses, acts with responsability and is a good student, he can't complain and you can demand more freedom. When you let him down on you and treat you as a kid and you react as a kid, he NEVER or, at least, untill you be forty, will let you do what you want to.
I'm not saying he's right. I totally understand you. I'm not asian, but I'm a only child. And a girl. Parents are ALWAYS overprotectors. And your father must be freaking ou because he is afraid on loosing you and not recongniazing anymore. It's irritating, but normal.
But, if you know how to use this in your favor, I guess he'll let you have a motorbyke untill the end of the year. ^_~
And motos are really cool, you know ?

That's quite a nasty problem you have there... but in a way, it reminds me of my own. My dad is like "god", too [although he isn't Asian, but he still loves to control everything]. I solved this problem by gradually letting him understand that I'm not a kid any more, that I can be responsible for my decisions and that I don't need him telling me how to do everything. I think you should do the same...

Don't expect to magically solve this problem with one single discussion, this is the kind of stuff that takes lots of time to sink in. A good start for you would be to find a part-time job. Not a very difficult one at first, but one that could allow you to earn your pocket money and also shows your parents that you're taking your first steps into adulthood. That way, your father will also get used to you being away from home for longer, and maybe that'll make him have a little change of heart, too.

And also, there is one serious question that you need to ask yourself: do you really have to do as he says? I mean, if you plain and simply refuse to listen to him when he tells you to cut your hair, what will happen? My take is that he'd be mad at you for a while, but then learn to accept the fact that you've grown up and you need more independency. I mean, if discussing and reason don't work, what's left besides either submission or open defiance?

I hope this helps... Good luck!

All you can do is try your best and get out from that situation. Do you live for your FATHER or yourself? Once you realize your own potential, the world will become your oyster and you will bloom into the MAN you want to become, not what someone else wants! That's true happiness... Not following in other's footsteps, just avoiding their pitfalls.

^__^

take care

live how you want to, so you will always be happy

I am asian myself, so I know exactly where you're coming from. I can see parts of myself when I read this. As much as you may feel like running away from it all, you have to remind yourself that your parents really do love you and that moving out won't solve any problems. Don't worry, in time they will realise that you are mature and capable, and they will back off you. You just need to give them time to learn how to respect you for who you are. Part of growing up is accepting your origins, and for now that might mean conforming to your parents and learning how to tolerate.

Now my parents respect my decisions and acknowledge my opinions. And when I look back on all those times when I thought I had been constrained by my parents, I don't blame them for anything. Infact, I'm quite happy with what I've achieved. When I told my friend about it, he said to me, "you have really matured".

well...doesn't all this sound familiar...except for cutting hair and the fact that my father doesn't need elders to make him like yours (my father isn't asian but we pretty much have alot of rules around here) but i also hold up this macho attitude, blaming myself for anything and everything, even if my parents fight...but you should be optimistic...my sensei said so..hehe...no really...everytime i am expected to change what i am and feel, deep down i promise that one day i shall be free...you should be a lioness (that's where my Lionhearted 911 came from...the lionhearted is by being brave and strong...and the 911 is cuz everyone depends and can depend on me) don't show your identity infront of your family,..i don't...only in school i laugh and joke around, teasing people and flirting,but at home i am the prefect lady, sitting with my back straight and hands on my laps, i talk in a low voice and never make lame conversations...i mean it makes me happy when he is proud and he brags...hmm...about you cutting your hair...do you think it would help if you cry when he brings up the topic and say in a gentle desolate way that you wish he could accept you for who you are? i mean parents are sensitive to their child's tears...it's ok...smile hunny...i smile 24/7 and i only cry in the bathroom, but even then i glareat my reflection, cursing myself for being weak...now i am realy so strong (rather bitter but strong all the same) my comments usually have someting implied, even if it's just a joke...but you really don't have to post anime around your room if it displeases him, you really don't have to be yourself infront of them...i'm not and it satisfies them and stops them from interfering in my life...i can't go out anywhere...not even with my friends so basically i'm a loner at home, but i wish i could have so many friends and go to parties...sometimes it's so lonely here at home...but i got friends on the internet, which i spend every waking hour on...but don't worry adn smile, cuz dawn is after the darkest hour, and there is always light for there to be a shadow...stand tall, stand proud, be strong, have hope, have courage...you can make it...i believe in you, i have faith in you, so go get em girl!

A little off topic:

My mother has hypothyroidism. She's paranoid about stuff, so I can tell you right now, it's a good thing to be there for your littler brother. And being a man doesn't mean you don't cry. Everyone cries. In fact, by being true to how you really feel, you can ease your brother's feelings about having to be rock-hard/stone-cold too. That way you can be there for him.

Oh, and about the anime. Anime's cool; 'nuff said. ^-^

I wasn't allowed to do some things at my parents house until I moved out to a room of my own. such as having a boyfriend who is not christian, or like going out at night. such stuff is really annoying, because others (like classmates and friends) just`are allowed`and you aren't. Hang on there until you can go your own way..otherwise, try to talk to your mother and let her convince your father (I don't know if that works).
Lot of succes!