what was once a beautiful thing has ended without a fight
weve broken up so many times in the past
but this is the worst.
he is gone why? i really dont know anymore
yes hes wonderful but i forgot to log how many fights have turned out to be
breakups
each break up turning my heart and killing it more then the last
tonight was horribly heart breaking and it wasnt even about anything
important
i just dont have the strength to fight anymore
with all that we been through it feels cruel to end like this
he thinks the worst of me
he thinks i am going to sell my body to make the money for rent
what he doesnt know is im going to just do what i did before i met him
and another thing he doesnt know is that im going to send him some money each
month
to repay for all the things hes ever sacrificed for me
without selling my body
you see i thought that if he was gone id not be able to do anything else
but i wont soil his loveing actions of saving my life. just so i could get in
the sheets for money
now ive not a heart left
im done for inside im dead having lost everything i feel ive lost everything my
soul included
im going back to sensual massage.. im not going to sell this body tho
ill live each day the best i can
ill learn to cope and live alone
ill survive this.. but omg im going to miss him so
to me hes the best that could happen to me
at the same time hes the worst
looking back at his inability to cope with me having 1 friend ( he threatened to
leave me if i had friends...) i just dont see us surviving anymore
my heart died a little each fight we had
and it just was the last straw
he told me he was going to go gamble
i told him i really didnt want him to and if he did i would go back to sensual
massage
so he said well then i guess we are gonna break up
for such a thing hed leave me
so at that moment my heart complete cracked down the middle
i said i dont have the strength to fight anymore
and i stayed numbly shocked and silent as he packed his baggs
then less then an hour latter he tells me hes sorry
i burst out crying because i knew at that moment that we are not going to
survive
it was the cry from inside a cry so deep so sad that he had to ask me why i was
crying so badly since we got back together
it was my hearts last breath
a few minutes latter i said as i held him whispering in his ear tears in my
eyes
im sorry i just cant find enough strength anymore...
and he said to me so thats it then! your saying you want to break up right?!
i stayed silent shocked by the words then a few minutes i saw myself almost as
if looking at someone else as i nodded the words yes
he was hurt and played cool and said ok if thats how you want it!
he then started atacking my intergrity by acusing me of wanting to be a full
service
prostitute and i just didnt feel like telling him i wasnt
now he thinks i will sell my body for money and live a rich and luxurious life
but the reality is i will always love him and it will kill me each day living
without his embrace
but i just couldnt do it any more... so many things were WRONG
almost 9 months together we been through alot
but he hasnt been able to trust me yet
and if he hasnt yet
well he never will
at least 3 a month breakups
it was so painful to be in a relationship like that
he then proceeded to acussing me of cheating on him persistantly asking me who
he is
for a few minutes i lay there in pure shock of it all and he imediatly said i
was silent so that had to mean i had cheated on him
it was at that moment i could muster up enough strength just enough to tell him
he was an idiot for acusing me of that and i quickly said no i did not cheat on
you your qestion was not even worth answering...
then i went into another comatosed state of shock as i watched him pack
envissioning my helpless life without him
hes a fairytale boyfreind he listens hes atentive hes loving hes sweet hes
everything anyone could ever really want in a man but then hes controling and
untrusting and moody and thinks im always lieing to him or hiding
something
hes so jelouse that he wants to hit ppl at walmart for saying im cute and asking
if i have a boyfriend
im so broken down i dont know what to do any more
he also did not want me to have any freinds
i understand that he feared one of them taking me away from him
so i said i would just have 1 girl friend but he said he wanted to break up..
too many things wrong and now we are over
i feel alone stupid an idiot of the bigest kind
i feel sick to my stomach he was my life and now hes gone
i put up with the not having friends
i put up with him not trusting me
i understand why i lost the baby now
because it wasnt ment to be and we would have hurt our baby had he or she been
born to this kind of parents relationship
please pray for me these upcoming months
im scared of myself now that im alone... i dont know anymore what to do...im
going crazy 9 months down the drain....
Don\'t you have any family members left?
If you don\'t have any friends now, you can make friends and have some SOON.
I understand that letting go of something after you\'ve invested SO MUCH is
NEVER an easy thing to do. But you have to believe YOU CAN DO IT. You could
start by loving yourself more. I\'m not telling you to be selfish, it is
different in Self-Love that Self-Love doesn\'t have the need to hurt somebody
else. Selfish-Love always hurts the people you care about and who care about
you.
Also, if your guy tries to woo you back, don\'t give in. He doesn\'t TRULY LOVE
you. He wants you so he could feel better about himself. He selfishly loves
himself more than you. And you are better off not having him back. He may
threaten you, he may say that no one will have else will have you, he may plead.
DON\'T GIVE IN. ALL you\'ll be doing is giving him a chance to hurt you again.
Don\'t, self-love, remember?
That saying\" We always hurt the ones we love\" is bullsh*t.
If you truly love someone, the mere thought of hurting her would break your
heart.
I, for one, will pray for your well-being as well as your happiness. And know
that I may not be able to see you, or ever truly know you face-to-face, but I
sympathize with you and I share your pain.
\"Shared joy is double-joy, shared sorrow is half-sorrow\"
Wow, that\'s so sad.... Well, I can\'t help too much (I think), but I\'ll try my
best so, here goes-
Don\'t give in. If he tries to come back, you will have to say no. I know it is
hard to reject and get rid of what you lust after and desire so badly that your
heart throbs, but it is for the best. You are NOT an idiot. You made the right
decision. If you had gotten back together, he just would have broke up with you
time and time again, each time delivering an even stronger blow to your heart.
It takes a lot of strengh to break up with someone after everything you two have
been through, and with that mood setting, it makes it even harder. Breaking-up
with you just because he disagrees with going out to gamble is crap. I can
understand being shrouded by anger, but breaking up is going too far. I envy you
for having the strengh to survive so many blows to your heart. I know I would
have broken down long ago. I do not really know you or how you really feel since
I\'ve never experienced that kind of pain before, but it seems that you need a
lot of support and cheering from the sidelines in order to continue on. If your
family doesn\'t really help, or if you just want someone else to talk to, feel
free to PM me, or you could email me at bfordjr@yahoo.com. I\'ll be your friend!
Please don\'t give in. You will meet other good guys (if you want to). Your
story is so deep.... Icould feel the emotions of this thread surging out of my
monitor..... Don\'t give in....
merged: 09-22-2006 ~ 05:45am
Wow, that\'s so sad.... Well, I can\'t help too much (I think), but I\'ll try my
best so, here goes-
Don\'t give in. If he tries to come back, you will have to say no. I know it is
hard to reject and get rid of what you lust after and desire so badly that your
heart throbs, but it is for the best. You are NOT an idiot. You made the right
decision. If you had gotten back together, he just would have broke up with you
time and time again, each time delivering an even stronger blow to your heart.
It takes a lot of strengh to break up with someone after everything you two have
been through, and with that mood setting, it makes it even harder. Breaking-up
with you just because he disagrees with going out to gamble is crap. I can
understand being shrouded by anger, but breaking up is going too far. I envy you
for having the strengh to survive so many blows to your heart. I know I would
have broken down long ago. I do not really know you or how you really feel since
I\'ve never experienced that kind of pain before, but it seems that you need a
lot of support and cheering from the sidelines in order to continue on. If your
family doesn\'t really help, or if you just want someone else to talk to, feel
free to PM me, or you could email me at bfordjr@yahoo.com. I\'ll be your friend!
Please don\'t give in. You will meet other good guys (if you want to). Your
story is so deep.... Icould feel the emotions of this thread surging out of my
monitor..... Don\'t give in....
But, hey, don' give up, right ? I know things are really awfull right now. But
I think that as long you have yourself, you'll be fine. You made some wrong
choices, but, you know what? Today is hurting. But tomorrow is will hurt a bit
less and in the next day, even less. And, one day, is not going to hurt anymore.
Live for the day. Each day. You'll find your way, with or without him. Just
don't give up.I'm cheering for you. Everything is going to be fine. You'll see.
Geez...Please don't tell me you considered that a "healthy"
relationship.
You said "hes a fairytale boyfriend," saying that "he listens hes
atentive hes loving hes sweet hes everything anyone could ever really want in a
man" and then you say "hes controling and untrusting and moody and
thinks im always lieing to him or hiding something." That's not a fairytale boyfriend, far from it
in fact. I've dated a "fairytale" and I was miserable; he cheated on
me the whole time, with one of my "friends" no less. I'm now married
to "real life" and couldn't be happier. Sounds like you need to trade
in your "fairytale" for something realistic.
I won't pray for you for the future, but I will hope that you can find a guy
that's worth your time, a guy that doesn't act and feel like you're his property
and lets you live your life. Don't think of it as "9 months down the
drain," even though that is
what it sounds like...Think of more as 9 months of experience and learning what
you should stay away from. In the future, he'll become someone else's
nightmare...while you'll become someone else's treasure.
Chin up, girl. This, too, will pass. And you'll be happy that it did.
pookie4puppy,
First, I am very sorry about your pain--many have been through it (myself
included) but that makes it no less painful.
I just wanted to say that all you need do is struggle through minute by minute
hour by hour day by day.
By your entry, your pain is extremely deep--I don\'t know if I could help-I
listen very well-but you can always post me here at MT.
Stay as strong as you can.
T.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Take heart though. Time will eventually heal all
pain. In time you will look back at all this and be able to laugh. Take
heart.
He threatened to leave you if you had ONE friend? Wow. I\'m actually happy for
you for not having such an amazing control freak for a boyfriend anymore. You
may not feel like this now, but this is one of the best things that could ever
happen to you. Now you can get back at building your life and your confidence
back up again.
Your life is certainly not over. In fact, from the look of things, it just
started again.
Hey girl,
I know its hard but from what you\'ve said it seems you have a few
misperceptions about your relationship with this guy.
You need to take a good step back from this whole situation and think of just
who he was and what he did for you.
You can\'t live a real life with someone who controls you like a puppet. Maybe
you haven\'t experienced anything different but
that is not an equal relationship.
(Though i think it shld be Moved to the Love, Family, Friends Thread..fellow
Mods. thank you. )
But before you (and to all fellow MTers as well) a warning. It's reality that's
biting back. Be advised, its not for the faint hearted ..... unless you truly want to change for the
better. View at your discretion. I don't hold responsibility if things turns
ugly. You have been Warned.
Spoiler:
Dear pookie4puppy,
This is a tragic story. We are saddened for the lost and we are all proud of
you to pour out your woes. . .
Because it takes True Courage to speak out even if it is only words right here.
Be at ease. We are all here, listening as well as thinking how best to help you
out, not jeered nor mock at your peril. However, meanwhile, You need to get a
grip of yourself. Grip, yes, a real grip on been optimistic on life. It's a hard
rock barrier you are creating around yourself yet your inner-self seems to want
to let go by saying all this right here. Why make life difficult for yourself
now that everything has already been done?
Take it as True experience, learnt from it and chunk the ugly parts away. It's
easier said than done, some will say. Unfortunately, making the first step are
always the hardest. It gets better and easily as you progress. Just like Baking
a Swiss Choco Cake. The more Flour, sugar and water, the bigger it gets and the
stronger the aroma. Too little sugar it gets salty. Too much water, it gets
mouldy. Frustrated that the cake will not taste good ends up not having the need
to bake the cake at all. What i am trying to convince you here is, you must make
an effort to start feeling better, feel postive even if it means little by
little. Brooding and sitting around over that matter will get you nowhere.
Harden up. You ain't alone in this situation.
WE gurantee you.
You must stand firm in your resolve. Love yourself more. Believe in yourself
even more even if its little. Many a
little makes a mickle. This Agony you are self-inflicting is tormenting you day
and night and it's not going to bring you back to your normal self if you still
will not let go. SO ! If you are still dwelling on it and brooding over, let me
ask you, What else is there you refuse to let go ? Think of it logically as well
as using your common sense, What in the world does a jerk deserve That much from
you. He is Using you all the while knowing your vulnerabilities. I know i may be
wrong and it's sounds terribly harsh and there are harsher ones.... We just want
you to let go and get on with your life. Face of Fact.
Listen. v----------------------
Quote by samu02
Who
Ever
Said
You
Were
EVER
Alone?
Don\'t you have any family members left?
If you don\'t have any friends now, you can make friends and have some SOON.
I understand that letting go of something after you\'ve invested SO MUCH is
NEVER an easy thing to do. But you have to believe YOU CAN DO IT. You could
start by loving yourself more. I\'m not telling you to be selfish, it is
different in Self-Love that Self-Love doesn\'t have the need to hurt somebody
else. Selfish-Love always hurts the people you care about and who care about
you.
We All fall all the time. It hurts deep, bad, sour and watever watever. THe
point is, since you have the courage to speak up, why not get up and move on
again ? Bit by bit if you have to. There are limitless possibilites and
challenges and life is not simply just about what you wanted always or dreamt
about.
You are a wise and Brave lady. You made the right decision. Just that you
side-tracked, was blinded over his enstrangled false promises and manipulations
of his love towards you. (Love been Blind...that's...ironic) Don't Ever Grieve
over that jerk. Never. Remember.No Regrets. You are wise enough to know that.
Don't let the false emotions get to you. You have come so far and its a shame if
you want to give up Right now. Let the uglyness fade behind you. You are YOU!
You Still have a Life to go on ! Many others around need YOU. To whom you are
Friends with and to see you smile, your art, your works and even feel your warm
Presence ! Your Friends need you, your relatives, family, including everyone
here who posted, read, viewed, feel, concern, cried over it and all who are
unrelated here are behind you ! You are not
Alone !
Although i ... we don't know you in real life...much less see you in real
person ! And can't contact you either though we are only connected through this
Forum and cyberspace, i myself know for the rest of us here, is, We are connected to
you in our hearts ! We sincerely wants you to be well. To be
MT's pookie4puppy. (Ever
wonder why acc can't be deleted ? MT friend(s) is(are) for life ! ) Anything
else you feel you can't take it, feel free to pm us. I mean us as in everyone
here who posted. Cheer up.
Your Life is
not over.
In fact, it has just begin.
A shinning one.
One Filled with full of bliss, laughter and simply Great Joy everyday.
Let as Time runs.
P.S. A smile from the Start of my post means that i want you to be well and
wished for your happines as well as can hear us, change for the better.
You're still young, 9 months is not a long time, and there will be plenty of
others. I know it looks bleak now, but you'll look back on this someday soon and
feel no pain.
get a hold on yourself...life is falling apart and now it's up to you to pick up
the pieces and stick them back together...you can't let life bring you down and
defeat you! you must stand strong, you must fight back...i mean life was falling
apart for me too...my parents fighting all the time...betrayals...it was awful,
but i smiled and fought back, and things are pretty much getting back to
normal...so comon, don't give up...you musn't be weak! life crushes the
weak...survival of the fittest!
It is almost impossible to fix a broken heart,
but you have to stand up, you are here, right now,
the long as you still alive there always be a new chance, so you must be
strong,
but remember, the strong person is made of pure pain,
good luck.
ur going to have to learn from this and move on
i know it might be hard but ur going to have to get ur life back
just dont worry there are plenty of people out there just waiting to meet a
person like u, its just u dont know it
u might have to open urself to the world again its just u need to be smart about
it, if ur having a least the 3 fights a month then u might want to through in
the towel because that isnt a healthy relationship
wipe off the tears, get a less raunchy job, open ur eyes, and dont let one
person ruin ur life
life is full of ups and downs ull just have to heal from the pain and think for
urself here on out
early emergency entry
what was once a beautiful thing has ended without a fight
weve broken up so many times in the past
but this is the worst.
he is gone why? i really dont know anymore
yes hes wonderful but i forgot to log how many fights have turned out to be breakups
each break up turning my heart and killing it more then the last
tonight was horribly heart breaking and it wasnt even about anything important
i just dont have the strength to fight anymore
with all that we been through it feels cruel to end like this
he thinks the worst of me
he thinks i am going to sell my body to make the money for rent
what he doesnt know is im going to just do what i did before i met him
and another thing he doesnt know is that im going to send him some money each month
to repay for all the things hes ever sacrificed for me
without selling my body
you see i thought that if he was gone id not be able to do anything else
but i wont soil his loveing actions of saving my life. just so i could get in the sheets for money
now ive not a heart left
im done for inside im dead having lost everything i feel ive lost everything my soul included
im going back to sensual massage.. im not going to sell this body tho
ill live each day the best i can
ill learn to cope and live alone
ill survive this.. but omg im going to miss him so
to me hes the best that could happen to me
at the same time hes the worst
looking back at his inability to cope with me having 1 friend ( he threatened to leave me if i had friends...) i just dont see us surviving anymore
my heart died a little each fight we had
and it just was the last straw
he told me he was going to go gamble
i told him i really didnt want him to and if he did i would go back to sensual massage
so he said well then i guess we are gonna break up
for such a thing hed leave me
so at that moment my heart complete cracked down the middle
i said i dont have the strength to fight anymore
and i stayed numbly shocked and silent as he packed his baggs
then less then an hour latter he tells me hes sorry
i burst out crying because i knew at that moment that we are not going to survive
it was the cry from inside a cry so deep so sad that he had to ask me why i was crying so badly since we got back together
it was my hearts last breath
a few minutes latter i said as i held him whispering in his ear tears in my eyes
im sorry i just cant find enough strength anymore...
and he said to me so thats it then! your saying you want to break up right?!
i stayed silent shocked by the words then a few minutes i saw myself almost as if looking at someone else as i nodded the words yes
he was hurt and played cool and said ok if thats how you want it!
he then started atacking my intergrity by acusing me of wanting to be a full service
prostitute and i just didnt feel like telling him i wasnt
now he thinks i will sell my body for money and live a rich and luxurious life
but the reality is i will always love him and it will kill me each day living without his embrace
but i just couldnt do it any more... so many things were WRONG
almost 9 months together we been through alot
but he hasnt been able to trust me yet
and if he hasnt yet
well he never will
at least 3 a month breakups
it was so painful to be in a relationship like that
he then proceeded to acussing me of cheating on him persistantly asking me who he is
for a few minutes i lay there in pure shock of it all and he imediatly said i was silent so that had to mean i had cheated on him
it was at that moment i could muster up enough strength just enough to tell him he was an idiot for acusing me of that and i quickly said no i did not cheat on you your qestion was not even worth answering...
then i went into another comatosed state of shock as i watched him pack
envissioning my helpless life without him
hes a fairytale boyfreind he listens hes atentive hes loving hes sweet hes everything anyone could ever really want in a man but then hes controling and untrusting and moody and thinks im always lieing to him or hiding something
hes so jelouse that he wants to hit ppl at walmart for saying im cute and asking if i have a boyfriend
im so broken down i dont know what to do any more
he also did not want me to have any freinds
i understand that he feared one of them taking me away from him
so i said i would just have 1 girl friend but he said he wanted to break up..
too many things wrong and now we are over
i feel alone stupid an idiot of the bigest kind
i feel sick to my stomach he was my life and now hes gone
i put up with the not having friends
i put up with him not trusting me
i understand why i lost the baby now
because it wasnt ment to be and we would have hurt our baby had he or she been born to this kind of parents relationship
please pray for me these upcoming months
im scared of myself now that im alone... i dont know anymore what to do...im going crazy 9 months down the drain....
pook
Who
Ever
Said
You
Were
EVER
Alone?
Don\'t you have any family members left?
If you don\'t have any friends now, you can make friends and have some SOON.
I understand that letting go of something after you\'ve invested SO MUCH is NEVER an easy thing to do. But you have to believe YOU CAN DO IT. You could start by loving yourself more. I\'m not telling you to be selfish, it is different in Self-Love that Self-Love doesn\'t have the need to hurt somebody else. Selfish-Love always hurts the people you care about and who care about you.
Also, if your guy tries to woo you back, don\'t give in. He doesn\'t TRULY LOVE you. He wants you so he could feel better about himself. He selfishly loves himself more than you. And you are better off not having him back. He may threaten you, he may say that no one will have else will have you, he may plead. DON\'T GIVE IN. ALL you\'ll be doing is giving him a chance to hurt you again. Don\'t, self-love, remember?
That saying\" We always hurt the ones we love\" is bullsh*t.
If you truly love someone, the mere thought of hurting her would break your heart.
I, for one, will pray for your well-being as well as your happiness. And know that I may not be able to see you, or ever truly know you face-to-face, but I sympathize with you and I share your pain.
\"Shared joy is double-joy, shared sorrow is half-sorrow\"
Wow, that\'s so sad.... Well, I can\'t help too much (I think), but I\'ll try my best so, here goes-
Don\'t give in. If he tries to come back, you will have to say no. I know it is hard to reject and get rid of what you lust after and desire so badly that your heart throbs, but it is for the best. You are NOT an idiot. You made the right decision. If you had gotten back together, he just would have broke up with you time and time again, each time delivering an even stronger blow to your heart. It takes a lot of strengh to break up with someone after everything you two have been through, and with that mood setting, it makes it even harder. Breaking-up with you just because he disagrees with going out to gamble is crap. I can understand being shrouded by anger, but breaking up is going too far. I envy you for having the strengh to survive so many blows to your heart. I know I would have broken down long ago. I do not really know you or how you really feel since I\'ve never experienced that kind of pain before, but it seems that you need a lot of support and cheering from the sidelines in order to continue on. If your family doesn\'t really help, or if you just want someone else to talk to, feel free to PM me, or you could email me at bfordjr@yahoo.com. I\'ll be your friend! Please don\'t give in. You will meet other good guys (if you want to). Your story is so deep.... Icould feel the emotions of this thread surging out of my monitor..... Don\'t give in....
merged: 09-22-2006 ~ 05:45am
Wow, that\'s so sad.... Well, I can\'t help too much (I think), but I\'ll try my best so, here goes-
Don\'t give in. If he tries to come back, you will have to say no. I know it is hard to reject and get rid of what you lust after and desire so badly that your heart throbs, but it is for the best. You are NOT an idiot. You made the right decision. If you had gotten back together, he just would have broke up with you time and time again, each time delivering an even stronger blow to your heart. It takes a lot of strengh to break up with someone after everything you two have been through, and with that mood setting, it makes it even harder. Breaking-up with you just because he disagrees with going out to gamble is crap. I can understand being shrouded by anger, but breaking up is going too far. I envy you for having the strengh to survive so many blows to your heart. I know I would have broken down long ago. I do not really know you or how you really feel since I\'ve never experienced that kind of pain before, but it seems that you need a lot of support and cheering from the sidelines in order to continue on. If your family doesn\'t really help, or if you just want someone else to talk to, feel free to PM me, or you could email me at bfordjr@yahoo.com. I\'ll be your friend! Please don\'t give in. You will meet other good guys (if you want to). Your story is so deep.... Icould feel the emotions of this thread surging out of my monitor..... Don\'t give in....
TT_TT So sad !
But, hey, don' give up, right ? I know things are really awfull right now. But I think that as long you have yourself, you'll be fine. You made some wrong choices, but, you know what? Today is hurting. But tomorrow is will hurt a bit less and in the next day, even less. And, one day, is not going to hurt anymore. Live for the day. Each day. You'll find your way, with or without him. Just don't give up.I'm cheering for you. Everything is going to be fine. You'll see.
Geez...Please don't tell me you considered that a "healthy" relationship.
You said "hes a fairytale boyfriend," saying that "he listens hes atentive hes loving hes sweet hes everything anyone could ever really want in a man" and then you say "hes controling and untrusting and moody and thinks im always lieing to him or hiding something." That's not a fairytale boyfriend, far from it in fact. I've dated a "fairytale" and I was miserable; he cheated on me the whole time, with one of my "friends" no less. I'm now married to "real life" and couldn't be happier. Sounds like you need to trade in your "fairytale" for something realistic.
I won't pray for you for the future, but I will hope that you can find a guy that's worth your time, a guy that doesn't act and feel like you're his property and lets you live your life. Don't think of it as "9 months down the drain," even though that is what it sounds like...Think of more as 9 months of experience and learning what you should stay away from. In the future, he'll become someone else's nightmare...while you'll become someone else's treasure.
Chin up, girl. This, too, will pass. And you'll be happy that it did.
...you will live, its not like your arm is ripped off
pookie4puppy,
First, I am very sorry about your pain--many have been through it (myself included) but that makes it no less painful.
I just wanted to say that all you need do is struggle through minute by minute hour by hour day by day.
By your entry, your pain is extremely deep--I don\'t know if I could help-I listen very well-but you can always post me here at MT.
Stay as strong as you can.
T.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Take heart though. Time will eventually heal all pain. In time you will look back at all this and be able to laugh. Take heart.
Cheers!
He threatened to leave you if you had ONE friend? Wow. I\'m actually happy for you for not having such an amazing control freak for a boyfriend anymore. You may not feel like this now, but this is one of the best things that could ever happen to you. Now you can get back at building your life and your confidence back up again.
Your life is certainly not over. In fact, from the look of things, it just started again.
Hey girl,
I know its hard but from what you\'ve said it seems you have a few misperceptions about your relationship with this guy.
You need to take a good step back from this whole situation and think of just who he was and what he did for you.
You can\'t live a real life with someone who controls you like a puppet. Maybe you haven\'t experienced anything different but
that is not an equal relationship.
(Though i think it shld be Moved to the Love, Family, Friends Thread..fellow Mods. thank you.
But before you (and to all fellow MTers as well) a warning. It's reality that's biting back. Be advised, its not for the faint hearted ..... unless you truly want to change for the better. View at your discretion. I don't hold responsibility if things turns ugly. You have been Warned.
Spoiler:
Dear pookie4puppy,
This is a tragic story. We are saddened for the lost and we are all proud of you to pour out your woes. . .
Because it takes True Courage to speak out even if it is only words right here. Be at ease. We are all here, listening as well as thinking how best to help you out, not jeered nor mock at your peril. However, meanwhile, You need to get a grip of yourself. Grip, yes, a real grip on been optimistic on life. It's a hard rock barrier you are creating around yourself yet your inner-self seems to want to let go by saying all this right here. Why make life difficult for yourself now that everything has already been done?
Take it as True experience, learnt from it and chunk the ugly parts away. It's easier said than done, some will say. Unfortunately, making the first step are always the hardest. It gets better and easily as you progress. Just like Baking a Swiss Choco Cake. The more Flour, sugar and water, the bigger it gets and the stronger the aroma. Too little sugar it gets salty. Too much water, it gets mouldy. Frustrated that the cake will not taste good ends up not having the need to bake the cake at all. What i am trying to convince you here is, you must make an effort to start feeling better, feel postive even if it means little by little. Brooding and sitting around over that matter will get you nowhere. Harden up. You ain't alone in this situation. WE gurantee you.
You must stand firm in your resolve. Love yourself more. Believe in yourself even more even if its little. Many a little makes a mickle. This Agony you are self-inflicting is tormenting you day and night and it's not going to bring you back to your normal self if you still will not let go. SO ! If you are still dwelling on it and brooding over, let me ask you, What else is there you refuse to let go ? Think of it logically as well as using your common sense, What in the world does a jerk deserve That much from you. He is Using you all the while knowing your vulnerabilities. I know i may be wrong and it's sounds terribly harsh and there are harsher ones.... We just want you to let go and get on with your life. Face of Fact.
Listen. v----------------------
We All fall all the time. It hurts deep, bad, sour and watever watever. THe point is, since you have the courage to speak up, why not get up and move on again ? Bit by bit if you have to. There are limitless possibilites and challenges and life is not simply just about what you wanted always or dreamt about.
You are a wise and Brave lady. You made the right decision. Just that you side-tracked, was blinded over his enstrangled false promises and manipulations of his love towards you. (Love been Blind...that's...ironic) Don't Ever Grieve over that jerk. Never. Remember.No Regrets. You are wise enough to know that. Don't let the false emotions get to you. You have come so far and its a shame if you want to give up Right now. Let the uglyness fade behind you. You are YOU! You Still have a Life to go on ! Many others around need YOU. To whom you are Friends with and to see you smile, your art, your works and even feel your warm Presence ! Your Friends need you, your relatives, family, including everyone here who posted, read, viewed, feel, concern, cried over it and all who are unrelated here are behind you ! You are not Alone !
Although i ... we don't know you in real life...much less see you in real person ! And can't contact you either though we are only connected through this Forum and cyberspace, i myself know for the rest of us here, is, We are connected to you in our hearts ! We sincerely wants you to be well. To be MT's pookie4puppy.
(Ever
wonder why acc can't be deleted ? MT friend(s) is(are) for life ! ) Anything
else you feel you can't take it, feel free to pm us. I mean us as in everyone
here who posted. 
Cheer up. 
Your Life is not over.
In fact, it has just begin.
A shinning one.
One Filled with full of bliss, laughter and simply Great Joy everyday.
Let as Time runs.
P.S. A smile from the Start of my post means that i want you to be well and wished for your happines as well as can hear us, change for the better.
You need a good SLAP!
Wake the hell up......
Relationships are hard... and you probably didn't include exactly what you've been doing?
Full service?
1/2 service...?
Do you rub in certain places? Just not FULL service?
I really don't know what's going on by your words, but it sounds like you are in some heart-troubles.
SLAP!
Wake up... have a friend slap you out of yourself.
We hurt when we attach ourselves to things, people, or anything in this world that we lose. Once lost, we hurt!
SLAP!
Realize this as fact, no matter what, slap yourself for being so weak and grow stronger.
Learn from this... life's lesson.
^__^
You've got many people around you, just open your eyes and see.
You're still young, 9 months is not a long time, and there will be plenty of others. I know it looks bleak now, but you'll look back on this someday soon and feel no pain.
get a hold on yourself...life is falling apart and now it's up to you to pick up the pieces and stick them back together...you can't let life bring you down and defeat you! you must stand strong, you must fight back...i mean life was falling apart for me too...my parents fighting all the time...betrayals...it was awful, but i smiled and fought back, and things are pretty much getting back to normal...so comon, don't give up...you musn't be weak! life crushes the weak...survival of the fittest!
Ay.... I do hope we are doing the right thing here and she is alright.
Dang.... still no reply from her own thread here.
It is almost impossible to fix a broken heart,
but you have to stand up, you are here, right now,
the long as you still alive there always be a new chance, so you must be strong,
but remember, the strong person is made of pure pain,
good luck.
ur going to have to learn from this and move on
i know it might be hard but ur going to have to get ur life back
just dont worry there are plenty of people out there just waiting to meet a person like u, its just u dont know it
u might have to open urself to the world again its just u need to be smart about it, if ur having a least the 3 fights a month then u might want to through in the towel because that isnt a healthy relationship
wipe off the tears, get a less raunchy job, open ur eyes, and dont let one person ruin ur life
life is full of ups and downs ull just have to heal from the pain and think for urself here on out
ull be okay