I watch things happen...but I'll only see something once in a while... I will hear and see fragments of an occurence...but when something climactic happens, I feel as if...I had been there the whole time, instead of just...getting fragments.
Argh...I keep understanding things that I don't wanna understand. And then I get...lured in. I just...sit back and watch people come to misfortune, and it's on: and when they do come to misfortune...I feel. I don't wanna feel...I don't like it.
Yeah...it's okay, it's alright...but it's never okay for them...it's always a struggle with something. Why can't they just be at peace...to struggle for existence? Why do I have to feel...when I see something happen to them? That's what life is...a series of down endings.
But an observer such as I...may watch and, even though they do not know the full story...feels, when something big happens. And then it makes me feel like...like I wanna do something to start a series of events on my own, as to dissuade my thoughts from the memories of their misfortune...
Think of it this way...when you see someone die, when you see them hurt, and the resulting concern on the faces of those involved, their actions...doesn't everything look so much more lively? So much more...vibrant, and there! Maybe it's...a feeling of being lucky? Maybe it's empathy...or maybe it's a failsafe.
I don't even know you, and I feel like I'm no longer a zombie when I watched you collapse, and when I saw all of those close to you gather 'round.
Am I that horrible of a person, that when I see another's hardship I feel alive and more like an individual...?
I don't like it...I don't like it at all...

You shouldn't be so alarmed....as the way you describe it and the way I get you, you don't feel happy when this happens, you don't enjoy watching those people down. You just feel lucky and fortunate that what happens to them is not happening to you.

I think it's something we all should appreciate....most people don't realize that even waking up breathing, complete, under a ceiling and in a clean bed it's a blessing! So, we should be thankful of not being in those horrible situations, like cancer....

..yes, we should be thankful for not being in the unlucky people that happens to surround us, but that doesn't mean we should enjoy watching all those people suffer instead of us. We should help all we can, with all the strenght and life we do have, to help them, to encourage them...

That's what I guess about this, indeed, strange but unique feeling you're talking about....hope it helps you understand one of our roles in this earth, in this life...

May the Valar be with you...namarie...

P.S. I like so much your signature...

I guess so... I guess...what I'm trying to say is that...it's the only thing that makes one feel like a true individual... When everyone's indeed crowding around who just got hurt or something...you are not a part of anything. Everyone's attention is on the focal-point: the happening...and you are detached from everyone there and everything happening...but at the same time...with that feeling, I want to make myself known...hey, I'm here too, I can help! sort of a thing...but the trouble is...how can one help...when they don't even know what happened? Yet...I feel as if I DID know what happened...then I feel powerless...
Thanks for your thoughts...response to elaboration in this manner is the sort of thing that makes me think, no wonder everyone who talks to me compares me to Miho Tohya from MegaTokyo...

hmmm... that is strange.

Sorry but it took me forever to read that cause your avi kept distracting me. I just sit there and stare at it for hours. hahahaha. I have a short attetion span, yes.

But anyways. The feeling can't be that bad, yes?

Quote by Kohana-AmiThe feeling can't be that bad, yes?

...yes it can... It makes me feel like...I'm some kind of stranger to everything around me...but at the same time, guilty.

Maybe you refer to the feeling of powerlessness in front of the tragedies. You can feel that happiness and luck of being alive and complete, but even if you could wish to help, it's out of your reach.

I mentioned cancer because a senior lady, long known to my family, is suffering from breast cancer which has developed by medical negligence.....and unfortunately she's short on time already. I feel sad, and somehow depressed, thought fortunate to have my entire body, my health best as I can....we help her with food, with shelter when she's got to come to town for treatment, but I can't help to say that I would love to help her, so that she doesn't feel that I don't care or that I pity her shamefully....

I think that's what you're referring...maybe I'm wrong...maybe not....but what I can tell you is that sometimes....just a word of care eliminates that little and subtle guiltyness and loneliness...

In a situation that would summon this emotion like mentioning his name summons Freddy Krueger, I'll give a fictional example...

Imagine you're walking along the street, a minstrel man. Everyone goes to and fro about their little affairs (as H.G. Wells once said, 'serene in their assurance of their empire over matter'), and you along with them. Suddenly, a commoner, a passerby, collapses. All you know is that she's fallen.
Everyone else reacts as if this occurance never happens. You look, and as you do, people flock to her, hectic and concerned. Suddenly, you realize through your fascination that you're but a spectator in the scene; it's as if you're disconnected from the rest of society. It's like you're not even there. But as they handle the situation, you suddenly feel like everything you had thought that day, everything you mused about, was frighteningly interesting and real; and you want to make it more so.
For example, you may have looked up and saw a few jets in the sky, distant, leaving behind long white trails of exhaust. You think nothing more of them. But later on that day, after seeing the person collapse and the impact it has on so many, you may look up from the crowd and see those jets again, and this time, they will be much more fascinating and real and there.

You may not...have those feelings, and I may be the only one who acts in that manner...but that about hits the nail on the head...

I get your feeling, or at least, your idea. I'm just processing it to write a better opinion on that (besides, I'm really sleepy). But I write just to let you know I'm pending of this subject.

Oh, okay...sorry...I'm just a bit distant sometimes...heh. ^^;'..

Have you ever talked about this with other people? Friends, older people...parents, maybe? It could help you to get other points of view.

Al I can say for now is that I understand your feeling, and....I don't think it's really that bad, because you apreciate more your life and your feelings and your sensations when you see that you are in a fortunate position. It really doesn't affect you that much (at least, it should not) unless you don't help others who do not share your luck.

Help? Others? *Tilts his head, blinking.* What's that? Hehe...just kidding... Sorry...I'm just really not...used to receiving such things from others...but yes...I do my best to help^^...

Ah...I don't really tend to...talk a lot to people...so no, I haven't tried...

Quote by Visis

Quote by Kohana-AmiThe feeling can't be that bad, yes?

...yes it can... It makes me feel like...I'm some kind of stranger to everything around me...but at the same time, guilty.

You're not a stranget to anything. You just need people who care who you can talk to. Trust me it helps. And don't think to much.

Thank you...
You know...when I write my threads the way I do...all the ones from the past...I never expect to get much from them...because I'm just so...distant, and I can never...put my point down right. But...I always wind up getting at least a little familiar help...
...thanks.

haha.. there's lots of people out there that wanna help! You just gotta know which ones they are then kinda... go after them or something! *nods*