i have a friend that just started going out witha younger girl, shes 15 and
hes........ umm 21....... i think (huh, not as good as a friend as i thought i
cant even remember how old he is) but any way i was wondering what your guys
opinion on this was.
If he's 21 he shouldn't be dating a 15 year old. Two mindsets to this:
1. Legal - The parents of the 15 year old can have him arrested for statutory
rape if he tries anything with the girl. This is reason enough to steer clear
of her.
2. Ethical/Physical/Financial - A 15 year old girl is neither physically or
mentally developed into an adult. She's still going to be feeling the hormones
of development, dealing with stupid high school problems, and isn't capable of a
serious, adult relationship. This friend is an adult. Assuming he's an average
21-year old, he's at least got something of a head on his shoulders and should
be able to see that she is still a child mentally, and unless she developed
fast, physically. He should also realize that she can offer *nothing* to the
relationship apart from her ultimately inexperienced self. He has
college/work/financial issues to deal with. She only has to worry about the
dress she's wearing to homecoming and what 'Billy' from down the street said
about her in Algebra last week.
People will argue that age doesn't matter. I argue that it depends on the ages.
The developmental differences between a 15-year old and 21-year old are vast.
The changes between 20 and 30 or 30 and 40 are much, much less noticeable. By
that point, the person has developed into an adult and as such is mentally and
physically capable of dealing with real-world issues. A 15-year old is far too
young for that.
I would legitimately recommend you watch your friend and give him the best
advice you can: don't GO there! Anytime I hear or see evidence of this kind of
situation alarms immediately go off. There is NO lawful, good-hearted reason
that a 21-year old should be trying to date a 15-year old. It sounds to me that
your friend 'like's 'em young,' and is thinking with his pants in some twisted
way than actually putting logical thought into this.
He needs to actually apply social skills and get a girlfriend that is as
mentally and physically capable a partner as he is. Age makes a HUGE difference
at that point in life. As a side note, I would give an 18-year old the same
advice as I did here. Or a 20-year old. Regardless if they are still in high
school or not.
mature ehh... bah, love is love, lust is lust.
Sometimes you just have to think these laws are stupid, statutory rape??
Both parties wished for it on there own will, no one is getting raped as if it
were, and parents shouldn't be involved in those decisions unless she wants
help.
I don't abide by most laws, unless I think there good imo. So if your looking
for an answer to this thread.. All I can offer is advise to you looking up laws
in your country/state if your that worried, If he's willing to risk the
consequences that's his own business.
You know what sucks in this bargain? If anything..... He gets the
slammer.... and she gets nothing (which is why we call underage....
jailbait).
If there both jailbait, who gets the slammer?? Either parents - 98% not in most
cases, but the underage male.
My suggestion to you Kevlord, tell your friend to back off. No girl, and
notice I said girl and not women seeing as how she is 15 and all, is worth the
trouble she will end up causing your friend if something were to
happen.
Though I myself have a girlfriend that is 2 years older then me, she's 22 and
I'm only 20. An age difference of 2 years is nothing compared to 6 years (if
he really is 21). The relationship will be frowned upon by everyone, no one
will accept the it and your friend will have to deal with police more then once.
Quote by warui
mature ehh... bah, love is love, lust is lust.
Sometimes you just have to think these laws are stupid, statutory
rape??
I don't abide by most laws, unless I think there good
imo.
No.
There is a world of difference in age, temperament, and maturity between a
15-year-old and a 21-year-old. A girl (yes, girl) of 15 can easily be
manipulated, coerced, and groomed to believe that she should give up sex to a
much older guy. There is a severe imbalance of power and implied authority
involved, which is why society takes a very dim view of such relationships. He
knows what he's doing; she doesn't.
Kevlord, the relationship is wrong and must be stopped immediately. If he won't
voluntarily stop it, tell the girl's parents.
Warui, your attempt at moral relativism is falsely based on your own sociopathic
beliefs. (Go look it up, son.) You are in no way suited to give advice to
anyone on anything, since your sense of responsibility stops at yourself.
When they are that young, there is a big difference. If they were like 21 and
27, then that wouldn't be that big of a different. 15 is like robbing the
craddle. You also have 3 years before she's legal. Although I have known
people that have stayed together from 15/21 to 21/27. Rare case though.
a fifteen year old doesn't have the same expectations in life that a 21 year old
does. I believe the 21 year old will soon feel held back because they can't
take their siginificant other out to the places which people their own age go.
Its very strange and it is very suspicious, sounds like he just wants something
else.
I am myself attracted to girls younger than me. But there are limits. In the
case you're talking, the couple is in an age rank where people change pretty
fast so there are huge differences (as mentionned before) between a teenage girl
and a young man.
Exemple. I think a couple composed of a 31 yo man and a 25 yo woman is ok. Even
with the same age difference.
Exemple 2. I think a couple composed of a 13 yo girl and a 18 yo boy is on the
limit.
But your case is way out of the limit.
I think we should live and let live though, I wish them happiness anyway.
But now you know what I think. Bleh.
I totally agree, we learn from our mistakes, but no one has it figured out what
love is at the ripe old age of 15, especially when you're dating someone who's
21. There is no way that you can have what you want out of life in tune with
someone 6 years your elder at that impressionable age. Maturation is like a
slope that flattens out. Between the ages of 15-25 you change much mroe than
you do between the ages of 25-35. As you get older age differences don't mean
so much because you're pretty set in who you are. But no one 15 years of age
has themselves figured out, let alone love.
Quote by DroknarIf he's 21 he shouldn't
be dating a 15 year old. Two mindsets to this:
1. Legal - The parents of the 15 year old can have him arrested for
statutory rape if he tries anything with the girl. This is reason
enough to steer clear of her.
2. Ethical/Physical/Financial - A 15 year old girl is neither
physically or mentally developed into an adult. She's still going to be
feeling the hormones of development, dealing with stupid high school
problems, and isn't capable of a serious, adult relationship. This
friend is an adult. Assuming he's an average 21-year old, he's at least
got something of a head on his shoulders and should be able to see that
she is still a child mentally, and unless she developed fast,
physically. He should also realize that she can offer *nothing* to the
relationship apart from her ultimately inexperienced self. He has
college/work/financial issues to deal with. She only has to worry about
the dress she's wearing to homecoming and what 'Billy' from down the
street said about her in Algebra last week.
People will argue that age doesn't matter. I argue that it depends on
the ages. The developmental differences between a 15-year old and
21-year old are vast. The changes between 20 and 30 or 30 and 40 are
much, much less noticeable. By that point, the person has developed
into an adult and as such is mentally and physically capable of dealing
with real-world issues. A 15-year old is far too young for that.
I would legitimately recommend you watch your friend and give him the
best advice you can: don't GO there! Anytime I hear or see evidence of
this kind of situation alarms immediately go off. There is NO lawful,
good-hearted reason that a 21-year old should be trying to date a
15-year old. It sounds to me that your friend 'like's 'em young,' and
is thinking with his pants in some twisted way than actually putting
logical thought into this.
He needs to actually apply social skills and get a girlfriend that is
as mentally and physically capable a partner as he is. Age makes a HUGE
difference at that point in life. As a side note, I would give an
18-year old the same advice as I did here. Or a 20-year old. Regardless
if they are still in high school or
not.
Quote by warui
mature ehh... bah, love is love, lust is lust.
Sometimes you just have to think these laws are stupid, statutory
rape??
I don't abide by most laws, unless I think there good
imo.
No.
There is a world of difference in age, temperament, and maturity
between a 15-year-old and a 21-year-old. A girl (yes, girl) of 15 can
easily be manipulated, coerced, and groomed to believe that she should
give up sex to a much older guy. There is a severe imbalance of power
and implied authority involved, which is why society takes a very dim
view of such relationships. He knows what he's doing; she doesn't.
Kevlord, the relationship is wrong and must be stopped immediately. If
he won't voluntarily stop it, tell the girl's parents.
Warui, your attempt at moral relativism is falsely based on your own
sociopathic beliefs. (Go look it up, son.) You are in no way suited to
give advice to anyone on anything, since your sense of responsibility
stops at yourself.
i agree with you both completey on this topic... age is not an issue when there
is maturity involved- and although some people mature physically ealier- it
doesn't mean they have enough mental maturity... there is a huge diggerence
between a 15 yr old and a 21 year old... alot i n fact...
ahhh no no no- not lucky at all- more like waiting for a new life in prison? i
can't see much of a bond between two of these ages in question- other then
sexual overdrive of horomones... thats nothing to have a relationship over-
gahhhh....
i do understand that love can come in all shapes and sizes to all type of ppl or
even objects. i dont blame the dude for wanting to go out with the girl but like
every1 else says...its juss to young...at least wait till the legal age or outta
high school. and no offence buh i think ur friends got some interesting issues
to work out.
I agree with what most people are saying that he should back off. A couple of my
friends have married or are dating women who are significantly younger than they
are, an age gap of about 6 years used to be the biggest in my circle of friends
who was 26 and she was 20. My friends were a little bit uneasy about it, but at
least they were on the same page with their outlook on life and it really isn't
an issue any more now that a few more years have passed. There needs to be a
level of maturity between the couple such that friction won't arise when one
half of the relationship expects something that the other just simply isn't
ready or prepared to undertake. It's like dating someone when you're ready to
start a family and they're just looking to enter college or in the middle of it.
To different worlds that far apart just don't mix.
I've rambled enough though so I'll stop here. I'd try to be gentle about talking
to my friend though if he truly is a friend cause if you don't want to ruin the
friendship this is one nasty topic to deal with.
Honestly, I see no problems with age differences. I don't think age should
really matter. It depends on the maturity of the two individuals involved. I
mean hell, I've known 15 year olds that are extremely wise and pretty
emotionally and mentally developed while I've known 21 year olds that might as
well be like 13. As for legal and illegal.. Depends on where you live. Since
different places have different ages of consent. And being in a relationship
doesn't mean they have to have sex. I mean if they really had feelings for
eachother, they could wait if they chose to.
As for me, I'm pretty sensitive on the subject of age. :P I'm 15 myself and I'm
pretty damn mature and my feelings are well developed. (I really am truly in
love with my boyfriend.)
In any case, that's just my opinion. Besides, if neither of them have a problem
with it, it really shouldn't matter what others opinions are. =/
Quote by waruimature ehh... bah, love is
love, lust is lust.
Sometimes you just have to think these laws are stupid, statutoryrape??
I don't abide by most laws, unless I think there good
imo.
No.
There is a world of difference in age, temperament, and maturity between a
15-year-old and a 21-year-old. A girl (yes, girl) of 15 can easily be
manipulated, coerced, and groomed to believe that she should give up sex to a
much older guy. There is a severe imbalance of power and implied authority
involved, which is why society takes a very dim view of such relationships. He
knows what he's doing; she doesn't.
Kevlord, the relationship is wrong and must be stopped immediately. If he won't
voluntarily stop it, tell the girl's parents.
Warui, your attempt at moral relativism is falsely based on your own sociopathic
beliefs. (Go look it up, son.) You are in no way suited to give advice to
anyone on anything, since your sense of responsibility stops at
yourself.
the scary thing miketo is that the girls parents like the guy and are
encouraging the relationship. they have even taken the girl to a doctor to be
fitted for a diaghram. they are talking about marriage and everything. this is
one of the reasons i am worried about this. i am worried about the age
difference yes, but at the same time i am also worried about what kind of
situation my friend is getting into
Quote by kevlordi have a friend that just
started going out witha younger girl, shes 15
and hes........ umm 21....... i think (huh, not as good as a friend as
i thought i cant even remember how old he is) but any way i was
wondering what your guys opinion on this was.
this is plain illegal in most states, although i can't vouch for the southern
ones.
wait till she's 18 and then commence this relationship. i have serious problems
with adult and child relationships.
To some people age difference isn't a big deal. Take my sister for example. She
is 24 now and her current boyfriend who is a Military Drill SGT. is 10 years
older than her. 10! But she loves him and he treats her well, which is what
counts. He even calls us to make sure that all of us are well. Overall its just
a decision that those two have to make, and if the parents don't mind, then let
them be.
Well maybe this guy isn't as mature as he should be. If he is 21 and sees
something in a 15 y.o., well that shows his maturity level.
Oh yeah nice pic Crazyrabbit87, awsome DIM SUM BAR pic, hahaha.
well, if they take responsibility, and the guy doesnt manipulate her etc and
they totally, seriously, love, trust, respect each other, then its no big
deal.
Not an adviseable relationship, but if its really love, and they're serious,
then i dont see the big problem.
I think its a general concensus.... not a good thing tell them to part ways, if
its meant to be it will be... but for now I think its best that he date people
his own age.
i have a friend that just started going out witha younger girl, shes 15 and hes........ umm 21....... i think (huh, not as good as a friend as i thought i cant even remember how old he is) but any way i was wondering what your guys opinion on this was.
If he's 21 he shouldn't be dating a 15 year old. Two mindsets to this:
1. Legal - The parents of the 15 year old can have him arrested for statutory rape if he tries anything with the girl. This is reason enough to steer clear of her.
2. Ethical/Physical/Financial - A 15 year old girl is neither physically or mentally developed into an adult. She's still going to be feeling the hormones of development, dealing with stupid high school problems, and isn't capable of a serious, adult relationship. This friend is an adult. Assuming he's an average 21-year old, he's at least got something of a head on his shoulders and should be able to see that she is still a child mentally, and unless she developed fast, physically. He should also realize that she can offer *nothing* to the relationship apart from her ultimately inexperienced self. He has college/work/financial issues to deal with. She only has to worry about the dress she's wearing to homecoming and what 'Billy' from down the street said about her in Algebra last week.
People will argue that age doesn't matter. I argue that it depends on the ages. The developmental differences between a 15-year old and 21-year old are vast. The changes between 20 and 30 or 30 and 40 are much, much less noticeable. By that point, the person has developed into an adult and as such is mentally and physically capable of dealing with real-world issues. A 15-year old is far too young for that.
I would legitimately recommend you watch your friend and give him the best advice you can: don't GO there! Anytime I hear or see evidence of this kind of situation alarms immediately go off. There is NO lawful, good-hearted reason that a 21-year old should be trying to date a 15-year old. It sounds to me that your friend 'like's 'em young,' and is thinking with his pants in some twisted way than actually putting logical thought into this.
He needs to actually apply social skills and get a girlfriend that is as mentally and physically capable a partner as he is. Age makes a HUGE difference at that point in life. As a side note, I would give an 18-year old the same advice as I did here. Or a 20-year old. Regardless if they are still in high school or not.
mature ehh... bah, love is love, lust is lust.
Sometimes you just have to think these laws are stupid, statutory rape??
Both parties wished for it on there own will, no one is getting raped as if it were, and parents shouldn't be involved in those decisions unless she wants help.
I don't abide by most laws, unless I think there good imo. So if your looking for an answer to this thread.. All I can offer is advise to you looking up laws in your country/state if your that worried, If he's willing to risk the consequences that's his own business.
You know what sucks in this bargain? If anything..... He gets the slammer.... and she gets nothing (which is why we call underage.... jailbait).
If there both jailbait, who gets the slammer?? Either parents - 98% not in most cases, but the underage male.
My suggestion to you Kevlord, tell your friend to back off. No girl, and notice I said girl and not women seeing as how she is 15 and all, is worth the trouble she will end up causing your friend if something were to happen.
Though I myself have a girlfriend that is 2 years older then me, she's 22 and I'm only 20. An age difference of 2 years is nothing compared to 6 years (if he really is 21). The relationship will be frowned upon by everyone, no one will accept the it and your friend will have to deal with police more then once.
No.
There is a world of difference in age, temperament, and maturity between a 15-year-old and a 21-year-old. A girl (yes, girl) of 15 can easily be manipulated, coerced, and groomed to believe that she should give up sex to a much older guy. There is a severe imbalance of power and implied authority involved, which is why society takes a very dim view of such relationships. He knows what he's doing; she doesn't.
Kevlord, the relationship is wrong and must be stopped immediately. If he won't voluntarily stop it, tell the girl's parents.
Warui, your attempt at moral relativism is falsely based on your own sociopathic beliefs. (Go look it up, son.) You are in no way suited to give advice to anyone on anything, since your sense of responsibility stops at yourself.
When they are that young, there is a big difference. If they were like 21 and 27, then that wouldn't be that big of a different. 15 is like robbing the craddle. You also have 3 years before she's legal. Although I have known people that have stayed together from 15/21 to 21/27. Rare case though.
If they are really in love, I don't see the problem....
a fifteen year old doesn't have the same expectations in life that a 21 year old does. I believe the 21 year old will soon feel held back because they can't take their siginificant other out to the places which people their own age go. Its very strange and it is very suspicious, sounds like he just wants something else.
~Belld
Yes but we learn of our mistakes....
I am myself attracted to girls younger than me. But there are limits. In the case you're talking, the couple is in an age rank where people change pretty fast so there are huge differences (as mentionned before) between a teenage girl and a young man.
Exemple. I think a couple composed of a 31 yo man and a 25 yo woman is ok. Even with the same age difference.
Exemple 2. I think a couple composed of a 13 yo girl and a 18 yo boy is on the limit.
But your case is way out of the limit.
I think we should live and let live though, I wish them happiness anyway.
But now you know what I think. Bleh.
I totally agree, we learn from our mistakes, but no one has it figured out what love is at the ripe old age of 15, especially when you're dating someone who's 21. There is no way that you can have what you want out of life in tune with someone 6 years your elder at that impressionable age. Maturation is like a slope that flattens out. Between the ages of 15-25 you change much mroe than you do between the ages of 25-35. As you get older age differences don't mean so much because you're pretty set in who you are. But no one 15 years of age has themselves figured out, let alone love.
~Bell
lucky him
damn furi curi
i agree with you both completey on this topic... age is not an issue when there is maturity involved- and although some people mature physically ealier- it doesn't mean they have enough mental maturity... there is a huge diggerence between a 15 yr old and a 21 year old... alot i n fact...
ahhh no no no- not lucky at all- more like waiting for a new life in prison? i can't see much of a bond between two of these ages in question- other then sexual overdrive of horomones... thats nothing to have a relationship over- gahhhh....
i do understand that love can come in all shapes and sizes to all type of ppl or even objects. i dont blame the dude for wanting to go out with the girl but like every1 else says...its juss to young...at least wait till the legal age or outta high school. and no offence buh i think ur friends got some interesting issues to work out.
I agree with what most people are saying that he should back off. A couple of my friends have married or are dating women who are significantly younger than they are, an age gap of about 6 years used to be the biggest in my circle of friends who was 26 and she was 20. My friends were a little bit uneasy about it, but at least they were on the same page with their outlook on life and it really isn't an issue any more now that a few more years have passed. There needs to be a level of maturity between the couple such that friction won't arise when one half of the relationship expects something that the other just simply isn't ready or prepared to undertake. It's like dating someone when you're ready to start a family and they're just looking to enter college or in the middle of it. To different worlds that far apart just don't mix.
I've rambled enough though so I'll stop here. I'd try to be gentle about talking to my friend though if he truly is a friend cause if you don't want to ruin the friendship this is one nasty topic to deal with.
Maybe you talk to him...
Honestly, I see no problems with age differences. I don't think age should really matter. It depends on the maturity of the two individuals involved. I mean hell, I've known 15 year olds that are extremely wise and pretty emotionally and mentally developed while I've known 21 year olds that might as well be like 13. As for legal and illegal.. Depends on where you live. Since different places have different ages of consent. And being in a relationship doesn't mean they have to have sex. I mean if they really had feelings for eachother, they could wait if they chose to.
As for me, I'm pretty sensitive on the subject of age. :P I'm 15 myself and I'm pretty damn mature and my feelings are well developed. (I really am truly in love with my boyfriend.)
In any case, that's just my opinion. Besides, if neither of them have a problem with it, it really shouldn't matter what others opinions are. =/
the scary thing miketo is that the girls parents like the guy and are encouraging the relationship. they have even taken the girl to a doctor to be fitted for a diaghram. they are talking about marriage and everything. this is one of the reasons i am worried about this. i am worried about the age difference yes, but at the same time i am also worried about what kind of situation my friend is getting into
this is plain illegal in most states, although i can't vouch for the southern ones.
wait till she's 18 and then commence this relationship. i have serious problems with adult and child relationships.
To some people age difference isn't a big deal. Take my sister for example. She is 24 now and her current boyfriend who is a Military Drill SGT. is 10 years older than her. 10! But she loves him and he treats her well, which is what counts. He even calls us to make sure that all of us are well. Overall its just a decision that those two have to make, and if the parents don't mind, then let them be.
i dont think this is right, age wise and because i think hes falling into a trap, his parents are acting really suspicous.
Well maybe this guy isn't as mature as he should be. If he is 21 and sees something in a 15 y.o., well that shows his maturity level.
Oh yeah nice pic Crazyrabbit87, awsome DIM SUM BAR pic, hahaha.
well, if they take responsibility, and the guy doesnt manipulate her etc and they totally, seriously, love, trust, respect each other, then its no big deal.
Not an adviseable relationship, but if its really love, and they're serious, then i dont see the big problem.
I think its a general concensus.... not a good thing tell them to part ways, if its meant to be it will be... but for now I think its best that he date people his own age.
~Bell