i created a story!!! please read its introduction!

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sadbird

A soul has many deep secrets

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hi this is my story's introduction and i hope you will like it. tell me also, what do you think of the introduction. i kept writing in for 7 months. so i hope you will love it.

War is a horrible nightmare that destroys every person’s life and future; all it does is bring misery and sadness to people. A fourteen-year-old girl, who will be on of the heroes in this sad but yet romantic story, is called Rachel. Rachel is a beautiful and magnificent teenager; her long, light brown hair with a red ribbon suited her face with a tiny nose and a wonderful smile that made her father happy every time he looks at her. And a fifteen-year-old boy, another hero who will join this story, was also a satisfied person before the war started. As soon as those teenagers met, their personality and insights changed a lot as they became more than just friends. In addition, more heroes who sacrificed their lives for the sake of their country will be included. This huge coincidence brought them together to reunite and face fear, danger, and risk together. Time by time, those teenagers fall in love, but is there time for love in this cruel war? Or will it force them to separate for eternity?

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Is this one of those summaries you'd find on the back cover of a book? Or is it the actual introduction of the text? As a cover summary, it's decent; as a part of the story itself, it just doesn't work at all. You shouldn't explain everything at once; that spoils the suspense.

sakuralim

Love is ......

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the story is quite interesting ^^
I'm quite atracted to it a little bit.
Is there a continue of the story ?
hehe, well done ^^

  • May 11, 2005

DakX

DakX

Inactivity strikes again

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sounds good. I want to read the story. Good intro, its makes you wanne know how it continues.

Please excuse but my english isn't very wel but I am still learning.

  • May 11, 2005

luckymouse

luckymouse

Always getting the last laugh

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WOW sadbird that is a really catching intro are you going to finish it.cant wait to read it great job.

I THOUGHT WHAT ID DO WAS PRETEND TO BE ONE OF THOSE DEAF-MUTES ^_^

  • May 11, 2005

Emi

Emi

White lady with black heart

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Wow!!!!!! I write a story to but in polish... so... I try to write another in english :). Good job :). I like it a lot but as LordStyphon say the sory is near ful.... But I'm very interesting so.. if you can send me it on my e-mail :) Alsow I have introduce to my english story.... but I don't know if I can write it here...
If you want to write to me on pm or gb :). I write to you back :)
Big hugs and waiting for answer :)

Do you see your heart?
It's black...
Smile!!!! You're always welcome!!

Dufoe88

Dufoe88

Dressed to kill! BLAH!!..

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thats a cool story you made it by your self ?

My last work "The Art Of Dufoe "

kotaru

kotaru

Solitude Cried

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GOsh, you really have the talent, what are u ?a scriptwriter? good luck on your story!!! XD
(Hehe, gotta make mine too...)

  • May 11, 2005

Lodigo

~Assasin Cross~

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WOW
it is a very nice intro
i hope that you will continue this story
now i want to read the rest of the story so you better start :P
lol
if you will make a continue of the story tell me :)
can't wait to read it
normally i never read a book
the last book was uhhm 2 years ago
but this intro is really good that you want to know how it will continue
*applause*
well...see you later and have a nice day
btw: How are you doing?

SwornLoyalty

not your ordinary fighter

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very nice introduction. sounds very good. wanna read it very much

"All I am is a living corpse
Darkness is all I have left....
and I must return to it"

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  • May 11, 2005

Shadowlinex

Shadowlinex

Game God

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Nice description and imagery I look forward to reading or rather seeing you next chapters in the story :D

"Death means nothing to me, however death means defeat. I refuse to be defeated!"
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sjolley

sjolley

A vision of annoyance

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Quote by LordStyphonIs this one of those summaries you'd find on the back cover of a book? Or is it the actual introduction of the text? As a cover summary, it's decent; as a part of the story itself, it just doesn't work at all. You shouldn't explain everything at once; that spoils the suspense.

I agree with LordStyphon, this should be the back cover. you also need to have it edited (sorry I'm critical because I am an editor). Other than that it sound like it's going to be very good. :)

Why do you kill the joy of death?

  • May 12, 2005

jeanie727

jeanie727

J E A N i E

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Hmmm..the into seems like it should be on the back cover of a book because you usually don't find a lot of questions in an intro..especially one that's going to be in a book. I say you cut the questions altogether.

The important thing was to love rather than to be loved. // W. Somerset Maugham
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Tasana

Tasana

~~....Longing for Serenity....~~

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ooh, sounds cute! I wanna know more, that was a good intro!

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  • May 12, 2005

bbls

bbls

Lazy days...

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oh wow...great introduction and background story! please keep going and share more with us! good luck... :)

Don't worry about tomorrow, don't think about yesterday,
don't live in the future, just make it through today!

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  • May 12, 2005

mela

mela

~*mela-chan*~

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i'm quite interested in your story... can you send me the whole of it? if ever... babymela_19@yahoo.com

"Never be captivated by anyone, just live as yourself in the way you are."

ei friends! how are you?
always remember that i'm here if you need me! :)

  • May 12, 2005
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Quote by LordStyphonIs this one of those summaries you'd find on the back cover of a book? Or is it the actual introduction of the text? As a cover summary, it's decent; as a part of the story itself, it just doesn't work at all. You shouldn't explain everything at once; that spoils the suspense.

I like the introduction but I agree with LordStyphon. It's really good as a summary but if it's the beginning off the story too much is being given away. Maybe even a prologue will work. It has a really great start, hope to read more.

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