The Hope of Tomorow part 1

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sadbird

A soul has many deep secrets

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hey again, this is the title of my story and since somehow everyone wanted to know what will happen in my story, i will make the first part and if anyone wants me to continue, tell me. if more than 10 tell me, i will continue part 2. enjoy and i hope you will like it

It was a regular school morning; Rachel was walking silently before sunrise, a time that looked like a cold winter night with no one on the street, hollow and empty. It seemed like a scary place for Rachel, especially with no one in sight. While she was walking, she heard a voice, so she said, "Who’s there?" then, she heard laughter from different places and a voice coming from her right said, "Well, well, well, are you afraid?" as he came closer, she kept staring at him wondering what will he do next. "What do you want?" she asked worriedly and he replied "I’ve seen you walk by to school everyday, then, I found you attractive. I asked myself, why not take you as mine?" he smirked and started coming closer towards Rachel, for every step he took, she stepped back until she hit the corner of the wall. After the stranger got too close to her that she could feel his breath, he grabbed her wrists and placed them above her head. Rachel couldn’t move and her eyes were filled with fear. The stranger stared at her body with his dark brown eyes and kissed her on the lips. The kiss was rough and demanding, tears started falling from Rachel’s eyes and she tried to struggle free, but with no avail. After a while, the stranger broke the kiss, smirked again, and carried Rachel on his shoulder. "What are you doing? Leave me alone!" Rachel screamed, still crying. She tried to struggle again and hit the stranger with all the strength she had but nothing worked, he was so strong that what she did to him was nothing. Rachel repeated her question, "What are you doing? Where are you taking me?”" the stranger laughed, "That’s for me to know and for you to find out." After that, Rachel started screaming and crying heavily, desperate for help. The stranger got really pissed, so he bought a napkin with a very strong scent and covered Rachel's mouth with it. She tried to struggle free, but when she inhaled, she felt dizzy and was about to lose consciousness until she heard a voice that said, "Leave the girl alone!" the stranger turned around and saw a boy almost her age. He had a cool dark brown hair with a serious look deep within his brown eyes. The stranger asked him "What do you want? Leave us alone, you don’t want a fight!" as soon as he turned back to Rachel, the mysterious boy attacked him and punched him right in the face. "Go!" the boy shouted to Rachel, who could hardly breathe. She nodded and hesitantly ran away with all her strength, leaving her savior fight the stranger.

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DakX

DakX

Inactivity strikes again

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Cool beginning i want to read more. Plz post the rest, it just got interesting.

Please excuse but my english isn't very wel but I am still learning.

  • May 11, 2005

Anjhurin

Linguistics

Anjhurin

ARIA sanchou

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hum are you typing your story with word? well just a little advice, the apostrophe doesn't work on MT, it goes weird as you can see :) ... the only thing you can do is either type on notepad (i guess that works, not sure though) or edit all the apostrophes you've made after pasting your story in MT XP

back to the story : hum it sounds good, but i think you should make more description of the places / characters, and also you should make it more readable, mainly by sometimes going down
like that, making multiple paragraphs XP
but i'd like to read what's next

  • May 11, 2005

sakuralim

Love is ......

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okay, then what's next ???
continue the story
it's getting more and more interesting ^^

  • May 11, 2005

Lodigo

~Assasin Cross~

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wohoo
part 1 is good
:D
can't wait for part 2 :D
it is getting better and better

SwornLoyalty

not your ordinary fighter

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cool. I like it alot. post part 2 plz. wanna read it . you have lotsa talent sadbird.

"All I am is a living corpse
Darkness is all I have left....
and I must return to it"

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Proud Member of : {DnangelFans}{FightClub}{Shinobi}{Pro-Gamerz}{Gothic-Lovers}{AnimeClub}{Samurai}

Proud administrator of : {Ice-and-Snow}

  • May 11, 2005

Emi

Emi

White lady with black heart

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Yes I think is interesting story write more :)

Do you see your heart?
It's black...
Smile!!!! You're always welcome!!

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