Warning: Undefined array key "HTTP_ACCEPT_LANGUAGE" in /var/www/minitokyo/www/includes/common.inc.php on line 360 How do you get to know someone better? - Minitokyo

How do you get to know someone better?

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Illusion85

Illusion85

Chasing after dreams

I feel a little strange asking for personal advice on a public forum (I'm not even sure if it's appropriate here) but I'm really interested in everyone's suggestions/opinions. So here goes:

My personality is such that I find it very hard to open up to people. As such, it takes quite sometime for me to build a close friendship with someone. I can make friends, but really close friends are a different matter. When I say "close friend" I mean someone who you can not only have fun and feel comfortable with, but also someone you can trust personal issues with, rely on and love more than yourself. These types of friendships take a lot of effort and time to build, but its always worth it in the end.

Anyway, for the first time in a long while, I've found someone who I've been able to share a lot of personal issues with. I've known her for just under a year, but it was only recently that I realized what a great listener she is. I would really love to become closer friends with her. However, I have no idea how to accomplish this with her! There are a number of things that make it more difficult than normal:

1) I don't really have that many common interests with her (besides the generic movies, friends, etc.). We share a common faith (I know her from church) but that's about it.
2) She has a lot of friends already, and is a very busy girl (especially with fulltime work).
3) I have no idea how she feels. We are friends for sure, but I don't know how comfortable she feels with sharing stuff with me.

Taking all these factors into consideration, can anyone offer any advice on how to successfully build a close female friendship? I don't want to push it, but I'm afraid that if I don't do anything, our friendship won't grow at all. I feel so frustrated and pained, because she really is a fantastic person in every aspect.

Sorry for the ranting like a angsty youth (but that is what I am at times ), but any advice or pearls of wisdom from those of you with more experience with this kind of stuff would be much appreciated.

(Note: I am also female, so I'm not trying to court her or anything. I just want to get to know her better as a friend).

It's only the fairytale...

SilverBlue

SilverBlue

BloodyCrystal

I'm having kinda the same problem as well actually. My best friend and I were really lucky...we knew each other since we were 5 and basically grew up like sisters. We later got 3 other close girlfriends. And somehow we didn't know how lucky we all were until we seperated upon graduation - we went to different places to continue our education.

So now i'm here in a totally different place, and even after a year and a half, i have yet to find someone i'm comfortable to talk about personal stuff to. I have a group of girls from school i hang around with, but that's about it. I don't feel that i totally 'click' with them, if you know what i mean. Some jokes i can't share, cos they won't understand (diff language, culture). Some feelings i can't get across, cos it's quite foreign to them.

I suppose that's just me. Maybe i have this barrier thing that i can't get past myself.

Having loads of common interests is really not that important, as long as you both feel comfortable around each other... I know this because me and my old group...i'm actually the odd one out XD

My suggestion is to keep a comfortable friendship with her...sharing your stuff as you feel okay with...and in time maybe she'd feel comfortable enough to open up to you too. Once you feel tensed and worried all the time that you might be jeopardising the friendship by doing something or not doing something, it's gonna be kinda awkward and put a strain on things ^^

I'm probably not the best person to be dishing out advice...but i agree...these friendships are definitely worth it. And extremely hard to come by ^^ Good luck :)

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eXDream2K5

eXDream2K5

the crazy band geek

talking and hanging out is the best way to get to know someone. if online, then private messaging or chatting on some sort of instant messenger

Labels are for cans. I'm not a f*cking can.

xshintax

Gif files are Compu$erve

I have this problem with female friends. I talk with them for awhile and then end up getting scared of them. (usually someone will joke about us being a couple or I like them and hide). Problem.

Wtf is your problem?!?

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cifiryn

cifiryn

~ Erase & Rewrite ~

Take it easy :) Don't think too much about it.
If you 2 are going to become good friends it should be something natural.
I think I understand how you feel, since I'm kinda shy and it's not very easy for me to open up.

Quote by Illusion85I would really love to become closer friends with her. However, I have no idea how to accomplish this with her!


It's not something you have to accomplish, is something that has te be natural and from both sides.
I'm sure she wants to be your friend too, since you say she is a good listener and you could share personal stuff with her. Someone that doesn't want you as a friend wouldn't listen to your problems or care about your life :D

Try spending time with her. You do not need to talk with her about serious things, just hang out with her, have fun.

You seem to be a very nice person, I'm sure it will go fine!! :D

i have same thing that i don't open up to people. don't think about it so much. I she wouldn't consider you as a good friend then why would she listen so much

i say stalk them =p...just kidding ..i know this from experience so i hope this helps..sometimes it helps to get to know their personality if you just sit back and watch how they interact with situations, and kinda get a guess of their nature.

Secondly ask questions lol...simple ones like maybe..how come you like this movie but not this movie...or whats even better try and find something new that both of you like to keep up interest in eachother..

you say that you also want to get to know her better? this may sound kinda girlie but have her sleep over and watch the movies you like..because for some reason whenever 2 girls get together weird conversations happen out of the blue.....good luck..i dun think i helped T.T

Illusion85

Illusion85

Chasing after dreams

Thanks for all the replies, guys. :) It makes me feel a little better that I'm not the only person in this sort of situation.

Quote by "cifiryn"It's not something you have to accomplish, is something that has te be natural and from both sides.
I'm sure she wants to be your friend too, since you say she is a good listener and you could share personal stuff with her. Someone that doesn't want you as a friend wouldn't listen to your problems or care about your life

I totally agree that it should be natural, but I meant "accomplish" as in ways to enforce the friendship.

As for her listening to me, I'm not sure if its because she wants to get closer to me or if its just part of her beautiful personality. I think she's a good listener by nature.

It's only the fairytale...

I am also a person who tends not to open up so easily, but at the same time I have close friends who have totally different interests. With these friends all I do is just give them the best my personalilty has to offer, and not worry about the small stuff. If we disagree, I turn it into a joke if possible and move on. Although if we disagree it really isn't a issue to begin with since we know where the other is coming from. It wouldn't hurt to expand your knowledge on the few interests you both enjoy; I personally love to knock my friends over and taunt them with knowledge they never would have guessed! XP

bbls

bbls

Lazy days...

i definitely understand where you're coming from because i've only been able to find about 3 very close friends that i can talk to about anything, and the rest are just my buddies to hang out and have fun with. the best thing to do is make sure you don't lose touch with her even though your friend seems to have a busy schedule. once you stop calling her up on the phone or emailing her and stuff, your friendship will weaken for sure because that's what happened to some of my friendships. and you could try to do one on one get togethers with her, instead of inviting the whole gang. that way you guys will have more quality time with each other without the distractions of other friends. i'm sure if you just keep talking and hanging out with her, that your friendship will grow stronger and stronger, and before you know it, the two of you will be best buds! just let it happen and don't worry about forcing that to happen. good luck! :D

Don't worry about tomorrow, don't think about yesterday,
don't live in the future, just make it through today!

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lol same problem as me, especially with girls, but im always given these advices, ok

#1 gotta break the ice, so talk tlak talk, aint gonna get anywhere if this dont happen
#2 ask questions name/age maybe hows life? wassup? not anything offensive as usual
#3 gotta hang out with them a bit more, mostly ask for their phone # or email address
(this part i guess is for dating, extra INFO is always useful lol)
#4 iono when chilling, quote quote from a friend thats a girl who said it's effective for guys to use, just ask questions about the girl, dont talk jack about yourself, make yourself seem interested in them.
#5 dont do stupid stuff lol, " quote quote" from her again, dont look at their ass/boobs or whatever even if it dont seem like theyll notice.
#6 on the first date, take her out to a fancy restaurant,, during this time, dont stare at other girls, keep focused on her, not to the point it's just staring, but just focus on her, and lastly dont make her pay up for the meal of course, and thats that, it will make her consider ya and stuff.

Siri

Siri

Suou

lol well i think its best to just keep talking hanging out more..
You don't really need to have a lot in common to be good friends sometimes
Lol i have 2 really good girlsfriends who I have almost nothing in common with
if you're wary you can tell her some kind of important things to you but nothing big, see how it goes n see if you can trust the way she acts n the way she acts towards others

another point is that when people have 1 on 1 talks or one person share secrets the other is more likely to open up

When everyone leaves you... I'll look for you then
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You're right, getting to know each other is very hard. You need to put much effort on it in order to know the person very well.

My advice to you is this, Don't rush on things like this better to know her likes and dislikes and try to make them also. Another thing, you must show to her that you are a really nice person and spend sometime with her by hanging out with her and with her friends. You could also talk to her as often as possible but once she gets irritated with you stop that. Sharing of thoughts and feelings would be a greaat way to be comfortable with each other.

I don't know if this would work since I don't know what girls like and dislike but I've tried it with my male friends seems it worked. Hope this could help you good luck.

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Illusion85

Illusion85

Chasing after dreams

Thanks again for all the replies. Everything you guys have said makes perfect sense, but putting it all into practice is a little harder. I have the tendency to overthink things sometimes, and I'm afraid something I do or say may jeopardize our friendship. But I guess there's no relationship without risks, right? I'm just going to have to pray hard and push past my fears.

It's only the fairytale...

Siri

Siri

Suou

Mmmm in my opinion the best kind of friends to have are the ones you don't really have to think so much around
The ones you can just act the way you are and thats what they love about you
any way i wish you good luck ^_^

When everyone leaves you... I'll look for you then
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DarkIngram

DarkIngram

Urzu 7

Quote by eXDream2K5talking and hanging out is the best way to get to know someone. if
online, then private messaging or chatting on some sort of instant
messenger

Yup, he's right. Communication is the best way to know someone better.

winxfairykay

winxfairykay

Teenage Samurai

I get to know someone better by finding out their hobbies and using them to start a convo. Its common, but it works!

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Winx has currently gotten verrrry busy. Please email me if you really need me!

fireflywishes

Retired Moderator, Linguistics

fireflywishes

Calgon, take me away~!

Quote by winxfairykayI get to know someone better by finding out their hobbies and using them to start a convo. Its common, but it works!

yea that's what i do too... and if i can't find out their hobbies just start a convo anyways! "so, what kinds of things do you like to do in your spare time?" or a rousing game of random questions always works for me! :D

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