As to your original question, you must always be honest with your partener. If you have a problem with their behavior or look or whatever, you must tell them because otherwise there is no chance of resolution. It can't be taken care of or worked around unless it is acknowledged. However, I've got to wonder if you understand that you must be yourself in a relationship. You cannot put up a front and expect it to work out. All people have flaws; so, what to do you do about your parteners flaws? I find that you have to accept them. I've been with my current bf for 8 years or so and I absolutely hate his lazy messy habits. What do I do about it? I yell at him and ask him to clean occassionally. He will never change. When he is 55 or 85, he will still probably leave his dirty dishes in his office for me to pick up. You might ask why do I pick them up, well it is because I can't stand them, but I love him so I'm able to accept this particularly offensive habit. I don't expect him to change. No matter how many times he says he will change; I know that he won't. I'm working around a problem in our relationship. This is a very small sacrifice that I make so that I'm happier in our home. I could let it fester between us until it drives us apart, but instead I do something that I shouldn't have to just so we can be together.
This does not mean that he does not make sacrifices. Reading through the lines in your above posts I get the impression that your gf takes her anger and pain out on you regardless of the cause. Well I have a v-e-r-y stressful job right now and I come home almost every single day in a v-e-r-y bad mood and on some days the first thing I do when I walk in the door is say something at least semi-spiteful to him. He comes to me to get a hug and I complain about the dishes in the sink. I know it's wrong, but I still do it. But, this is a case where I didn't even realize I was doing this until he pointed it out to me. I used to do it every day. I always wanted to punch him when he came for his hug. In my mind I was "why the h*** can't he at least let me put my stuff down before he starts b-o-t-h-e-r-i-n-g me." He sat me down and pointed out what I was doing and now I can remember not to take it out of him all the time and because of that he can put up with my temper on the occassions when it does come out.
i think one of the best things you can do is remember that you are not prefect either. I have all kinds of flaws the greatest of which is probably my temper. I understand that it is a problem and therefore work to restrain it. It makes me a better person and it means my relationship is much more stable. It also helps me remember not to hold my bf in contemp when his flaws get the better of ME.