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When your cousin is the best daughter for your mom.

Minitokyo » Forum » Love, Friends & Family » When your cousin is the best daughter for your mom.

Kabura

"The Hedgehog's Dilemma"

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I have this little cousin, her name is Nicole. She's a beautiful and kind 12-years-old girl. She's the tipic good student girl who always does her homework, pay attention to class and get an A+ in her lessons and classwork. At this point it doesnt seem to be any problem but! she's just to smart for her age. Nicole goes to school everyday, after that she gets extra classes of cooking, play several musical instruments, goes to camps, take care of her brothers and help her mom at home. But the most important thing, she's a writer. And she's so good at it than even her school published a book of her poetry and stories; a link at the school's webpage dedicated just to her. Her mother is so proud of her, her (father's) family is so proud of her, my family is so proud of her but, most of all, my mother is extremely proud of her. I met Nicole at the age of 8, when I traveled to USA for the very first time, and she was barely 2 years old. The timepast and i never traveled to her country again, even so we have a good friendship and try to keep in touch. She's so sweet! Everytime she talks to my mom or someone else, she always ask for me and when her mother (my good aunt Lourdes) sends mails, she always send something for me. She's a sweetheart and most of the people say that we are alike. We have a good relationship, and I most admit she's good...no,...she's great. Even though, it sucks. I know, I'm so selfish! that's not new but believe me, it hurts to listen to your mother talking about her niece as if she was her own daughter. Telling eveyone how brilliant and gorgeous she is. That they are so alike and that she's so PROUD of her... My mother is a writer, one of the best of my country, no exaggeration. I always thought I inherited that from my mom, coz i have written stories and all for several years, and I always wanted my mother to know that there's something that I share with her, but I have realized that I have never been good enough. I dont hate my cousin, it's impossible to hate her, but it's hard to love her too. Cancel

I have this little cousin, her name is Nicole.

She's a beautiful and kind 12-years-old girl.
She's the tipic good student girl who always does her homework, pay attention to class and get an A+ in her lessons and classwork.
At this point it doesnt seem to be any problem but! she's just to smart for her age.

Nicole goes to school everyday, after that she gets extra classes of cooking, play several musical instruments, goes to camps, take care of her brothers and help her mom at home.
But the most important thing, she's a writer. And she's so good at it than even her school published a book of her poetry and stories; a link at the school's webpage dedicated just to her.

Her mother is so proud of her, her (father's) family is so proud of her, my family is so proud of her but, most of all, my mother is extremely proud of her.

I met Nicole at the age of 8, when I traveled to USA for the very first time, and she was barely 2 years old.
The timepast and i never traveled to her country again, even so we have a good friendship and try to keep in touch. She's so sweet! Everytime she talks to my mom or someone else, she always ask for me and when her mother (my good aunt Lourdes) sends mails, she always send something for me.
She's a sweetheart and most of the people say that we are alike.
We have a good relationship, and I most admit she's good...no,...she's great. Even though, it sucks.
I know, I'm so selfish! that's not new but believe me, it hurts to listen to your mother talking about her niece as if she was her own daughter. Telling eveyone how brilliant and gorgeous she is. That they are so alike and that she's so PROUD of her...

My mother is a writer, one of the best of my country, no exaggeration.
I always thought I inherited that from my mom, coz i have written stories and all for several years, and I always wanted my mother to know that there's something that I share with her, but I have realized that I have never been good enough.

I dont hate my cousin, it's impossible to hate her, but it's hard to love her too.

Thank you Farewell, My Master.

"It was nice for a while but it's time to say bye"
Administrator of: Ignore the others! -Nocturnal-MTs Moderator of: Ice-and-Snow Member of: Whatever - Hana Kimi love - BrokenWings-TrinityBlood - GetBackers - MAAC - Petzilla

• Mar 26, 2006
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Keisuuke

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Hmmmmmmmmm......... Sorry dude... don't know what to say... i don't get the main idea either.. Cancel

Hmmmmmmmmm......... Sorry dude... don't know what to say... i don't get the main idea either..

• Mar 26, 2006
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fuyuu

Firecracker!

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Wow, that's sad... Well, the most easiest way that I can think right now is to talk to your mother. Say what you want to say, say that you love her and you're hoping that she loves you too more than anybody in this world. :3 Cancel

Wow, that's sad... Well, the most easiest way that I can think right now is to talk to your mother. Say what you want to say, say that you love her and you're hoping that she loves you too more than anybody in this world. :3

• Mar 26, 2006
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V-sayo

sayo~

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well, i dont think that has ever happened to me, but i understand, it sucks a bit doesnt it? well first of all, no child likes to be compared, its an unnecessary pressure coming from the parents, even though your cousine sounds unbelievably talented, but shes no more special to your parents than you. if you feel youre obligated in some kind of competition with her, dont, its better if you just enjoy what you do. Cancel

well, i dont think that has ever happened to me, but i understand, it sucks a bit doesnt it? well first of all, no child likes to be compared, its an unnecessary pressure coming from the parents, even though your cousine sounds unbelievably talented, but shes no more special to your parents than you.

if you feel youre obligated in some kind of competition with her, dont, its better if you just enjoy what you do.

i caught my girlfriend making out with my boyfriend 0_o"

• Mar 26, 2006
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ChinaRose

^_^

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[quote=V-sayo]well, i dont think that has ever happened to me, but i understand, it sucks a bit doesnt it? well first of all, no child likes to be compared, its an unnecessary pressure coming from the parents, even though your cousine sounds unbelievably talented, but shes no more special to your parents than you. if you feel youre obligated in some kind of competition with her, dont, its better if you just enjoy what you do.[/quote] I agree, truly. :) Although this may sound easier said than done, bring your mother aside and talk to her. If she loves you she would listen and understand. Also, it shouldn't matter to her whether you're not as talented as her. She should understand that no child should be compared to another. Yes, I also agree that maybe you should just think of what you like doing best and keep a steadfast friendship with your cousin. But, if you really want to impress your mother, improve in what you're good at and shpw her yuo can still do better. She'll be proud, definitely. :D Hope I helped. :) ~ChinaRose~ PS> Your mother's an accomplished writer? Boy, are you lucky. I want to improve my writing skills and you have someone right next to you who can help you. :) Cancel

Quote by V-sayowell, i dont think that has ever happened to me, but i understand, it sucks a bit doesnt it? well first of all, no child likes to be compared, its an unnecessary pressure coming from the parents, even though your cousine sounds unbelievably talented, but shes no more special to your parents than you.

if you feel youre obligated in some kind of competition with her, dont, its better if you just enjoy what you do.

I agree, truly. :) Although this may sound easier said than done, bring your mother aside and talk to her. If she loves you she would listen and understand. Also, it shouldn't matter to her whether you're not as talented as her. She should understand that no child should be compared to another.

Yes, I also agree that maybe you should just think of what you like doing best and keep a steadfast friendship with your cousin. But, if you really want to impress your mother, improve in what you're good at and shpw her yuo can still do better. She'll be proud, definitely. :D

Hope I helped. :)
~ChinaRose~
PS> Your mother's an accomplished writer? Boy, are you lucky. I want to improve my writing skills and you have someone right next to you who can help you. :)

• Mar 26, 2006
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FloralFallal

Lover of shirtless anime men

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[color=#FBC0CB]Well it seems like your really conflicted but like you said your cousin seems to treat you with dignity and respect so getting involved in a rivarly wouldn't really make sense to me. Sometimes it's easier for people to recognize greatness when it's so obvious and maybe your mom doesn't realize that she is making you feel bad by always talking about your cousin. Talk to her about it and set up some boundaries because everybody has talents and gifts (not that I've found mine yet) but keep in touch with your cousin to gain some perspective because the only person that really knows Nicole is Nicole. And maybe she feels overwhelmed by all the pressure that the family seems to be putting on her and maybe she needs someone in her life that isn't so bowled over by her abilities, you know a real friend that she can confide in.[/color] Cancel

Well it seems like your really conflicted but like you said your cousin seems to treat you with dignity and respect so getting involved in a rivarly wouldn't really make sense to me. Sometimes it's easier for people to recognize greatness when it's so obvious and maybe your mom doesn't realize that she is making you feel bad by always talking about your cousin. Talk to her about it and set up some boundaries because everybody has talents and gifts (not that I've found mine yet) but keep in touch with your cousin to gain some perspective because the only person that really knows Nicole is Nicole. And maybe she feels overwhelmed by all the pressure that the family seems to be putting on her and maybe she needs someone in her life that isn't so bowled over by her abilities, you know a real friend that she can confide in.

Thanks again to Tinbad for my avi and sig

• Mar 26, 2006
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Saikusa

Retired Moderator

~ scan-holic ~

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We're back to the 7 deadly sings again, aren't we... Envy! ;) Sweetie, I understand. My cousins are both younger than me, and are both at university. Both have summer jobs in London that pay more then my full-time job pays. So they're both educated & are destined to succeed... but there's no point in comparing my life to theirs. It just drags you down... There's too many people out there that will drag youdown. Don't pull yourself down by thinking in terms of how someone else in the family is better than you are. Because the chances are, they're not. I would bet that she thinks much the same about you since you're also pretty & clever :) Cancel

We're back to the 7 deadly sings again, aren't we... Envy! ;)

Sweetie, I understand. My cousins are both younger than me, and are both at university. Both have summer jobs in London that pay more then my full-time job pays. So they're both educated & are destined to succeed... but there's no point in comparing my life to theirs. It just drags you down...

There's too many people out there that will drag youdown. Don't pull yourself down by thinking in terms of how someone else in the family is better than you are. Because the chances are, they're not.

I would bet that she thinks much the same about you since you're also pretty & clever :)

• Mar 26, 2006
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Haohmaru77

Stray Wanderer

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Deja-vù! I know this girl for a while, we're good friends and we "adopted" her for a while, but now... Sometimes it feels as if she would take my place in my family, because she spends tiem with my mom, my sister, my father... and I feel like I've been left aside... Maybe we should do something against this cousins who take your place! Rise, forgotten sons and daughters! Cancel

Deja-vù! I know this girl for a while, we're good friends and we "adopted" her for a while, but now... Sometimes it feels as if she would take my place in my family, because she spends tiem with my mom, my sister, my father... and I feel like I've been left aside... Maybe we should do something against this cousins who take your place! Rise, forgotten sons and daughters!

Dude, I'm doing something for you. Return the favor!
Donate money to the poor!! Or at least heed their voices!
Thanx to K1ru for the super signature!

• Mar 26, 2006
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Northy

Guys are human as well.

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Hmm. That's a pretty big list of accomplishments and responsibilities for a 12 year old girl. Anyway, I think you deserve some respect for not holding your mother's attitude against your cousin. Because you shouldn't. I do think you are entitled to being a little bit jealous, though, as long as you don't let it get out of hand or directed it towards anyone in particular. I'm not sure why your mother is doing this as you described it, but I agree that she's not doing you any favors. Even if she's trying to encourage you to do better, this is a very bad way of going about it. As for your cousin, I recommend looking out for her. On one hand, she might do all this because she enjoys it and is well able to handle it. On the other hand, she also might try all she can to live up to everyone's expectations, which is a hard thing to do for someone that young. I don't know. I've never been in her position OR yours, but tales of child prodigies doesn't necessarily have a happy ending. Look out for your cousin if you are in a position to do so, and don't envy her for her abilities. At the same time, you are in your full right to ignore your mother if she continues to compare the two of you. I guess that's all I can come up with as far as two-cents go. Cancel

Hmm. That's a pretty big list of accomplishments and responsibilities for a 12 year old girl.

Anyway, I think you deserve some respect for not holding your mother's attitude against your cousin. Because you shouldn't. I do think you are entitled to being a little bit jealous, though, as long as you don't let it get out of hand or directed it towards anyone in particular.

I'm not sure why your mother is doing this as you described it, but I agree that she's not doing you any favors. Even if she's trying to encourage you to do better, this is a very bad way of going about it.

As for your cousin, I recommend looking out for her. On one hand, she might do all this because she enjoys it and is well able to handle it. On the other hand, she also might try all she can to live up to everyone's expectations, which is a hard thing to do for someone that young.

I don't know. I've never been in her position OR yours, but tales of child prodigies doesn't necessarily have a happy ending. Look out for your cousin if you are in a position to do so, and don't envy her for her abilities. At the same time, you are in your full right to ignore your mother if she continues to compare the two of you.

I guess that's all I can come up with as far as two-cents go.

• Mar 26, 2006
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GintheTwilightswords

Slacker by Trade

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[color=silver]It seems that even though you love your little cousin, you can't help but feel some disdain towards her because you are nothing like her and everything your mother wants. And sadly, it shouldn't feel that way. Your cousin is gifted, yes, and your family by all means should feel proud of her, your mother included. However, there's no excuse for her talking her as if she's her daugther, wishing you were the same. People are different for a reason and have different talents, that's what makes us unique. You are not your cousin, you are your own person, and even though you may not make major accomplishments as she does, it dosen't mean you can't try. [color=silver]Everyone here has made some good points, and for th emsot part I agree with them. You shouln't comapre yourself to her no should your mother do that, it just isn't right and makes you feel unwanted and a failure. Second, yeh, maybe should be alittle jealous, heck I am of some of my friends, but don't let it overwhelm you. If you truly love your cousin for her she is regardless of how talented she is.Another thing too, you should look out for her. Though she may be gifted in many ways, dosen't necessarily mean she's going to be happy about it all the time. I have a good friend here who is pretty gifted herself, excelling in school and all, I have to remind her not to overdo it all the time, because trying to be your best and beyond will stress you out. [color=silver]Anyway, your cousin sounds pretty cool, maybe you'll get to visit her again one day ^_^.[/color] Cancel

It seems that even though you love your little cousin, you can't help but feel some disdain towards her because you are nothing like her and everything your mother wants. And sadly, it shouldn't feel that way. Your cousin is gifted, yes, and your family by all means should feel proud of her, your mother included. However, there's no excuse for her talking her as if she's her daugther, wishing you were the same. People are different for a reason and have different talents, that's what makes us unique. You are not your cousin, you are your own person, and even though you may not make major accomplishments as she does, it dosen't mean you can't try.

Everyone here has made some good points, and for th emsot part I agree with them. You shouln't comapre yourself to her no should your mother do that, it just isn't right and makes you feel unwanted and a failure. Second, yeh, maybe should be alittle jealous, heck I am of some of my friends, but don't let it overwhelm you. If you truly love your cousin for her she is regardless of how talented she is.Another thing too, you should look out for her. Though she may be gifted in many ways, dosen't necessarily mean she's going to be happy about it all the time. I have a good friend here who is pretty gifted herself, excelling in school and all, I have to remind her not to overdo it all the time, because trying to be your best and beyond will stress you out.

Anyway, your cousin sounds pretty cool, maybe you'll get to visit her again one day ^_^.

Dear sister you shall always hold a place in my heart

• Mar 27, 2006
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MichaelW

Kazuma Ryou

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I think you should live up to your potential Kabura. Your cousin isn't better than you. Get on the field. Cancel

I think you should live up to your potential Kabura.

Your cousin isn't better than you.

Get on the field.

Ignore-the-others

• Jul 17, 2006
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rorenzu

Mio Amakura

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eEk,,, whatta pain... does your mother compare the both of you? or is it just that your mother is so damn proud of her(cousin)? well,, hmm,, what can i say,,, each of us is unique,,in every/any way,,, i'm sure your mother is also proud of you,, well,,, just be yourself,, don't do anything/something that would make your mama proud but will sacrifice your own identity,,, my point is,, yeah,, it's hell annoying when your mom talks about over and over how great other people can be but she couldn't appreciate her own,,,but still,, you shouldn't mind,, we are bunch of different people so, you'll just have to focus on your strengths,.. you'll find that she's also proud of you. Cancel

eEk,,,
whatta pain...
does your mother compare the both of you?
or is it just that your mother is so damn proud of her(cousin)?

well,, hmm,, what can i say,,,
each of us is unique,,in every/any way,,,

i'm sure your mother is also proud of you,,

well,,, just be yourself,,
don't do anything/something that would make your mama proud but will sacrifice your own identity,,,

my point is,, yeah,, it's hell annoying when your mom talks about over and over how great other people can be but she couldn't appreciate her own,,,but still,,
you shouldn't mind,,
we are bunch of different people so, you'll just have to focus on your strengths,..
you'll find that she's also proud of you.

Together...forever...

sig and avatar by Kuya JaK

• Jul 17, 2006
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Toshie

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I knw how it feel jus like someone is so pretty, clever and kind and get all the attention. You don`t hate her yet you also don`t like her... This is jealously i tink, cuz i have tried very hard to not get jealous of the gurl in my sch too... no perfect as your cousin but is pretty and get alot of attention... No matter how hard i tried, i jus can`t be like her... Tell you what, seen you are not as good as her then try to work harder or find out your positive points.. But i`m sure your mom do love you cuz you are alway her child, no one can replace... Tell your mom how you feel, and she will definitely say you are silly... Cancel

I knw how it feel jus like someone is so pretty, clever and kind and get all the attention. You don`t hate her yet you also don`t like her... This is jealously i tink, cuz i have tried very hard to not get jealous of the gurl in my sch too... no perfect as your cousin but is pretty and get alot of attention... No matter how hard i tried, i jus can`t be like her... Tell you what, seen you are not as good as her then try to work harder or find out your positive points.. But i`m sure your mom do love you cuz you are alway her child, no one can replace... Tell your mom how you feel, and she will definitely say you are silly...

• Jul 18, 2006
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etoo

sanity runs away from me

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you know, your mom loves you anyway you are. you don't have to be the smartest or pretyest, your folks will love you i know how it feels when your parents praise someone else, it sucks. but still, i think that if that person is praised, she deserves it. you might not know it, but i think your parents praise you behind your back ^^. don't think that it's hard to love her, you already addmitted she's sweet. push away those negative thoughts and love her. she has her own credits, but don't think you don't. who knows, mabey she thinks your great too. and the fact that she sends you all kinda stuff shows that she cares for you. let go of that selfisness. it's not good for you. Cancel

you know, your mom loves you anyway you are. you don't have to be the smartest or pretyest, your folks will love you
i know how it feels when your parents praise someone else, it sucks. but still, i think that if that person is praised, she deserves it.
you might not know it, but i think your parents praise you behind your back ^^.
don't think that it's hard to love her, you already addmitted she's sweet. push away those negative thoughts and love her. she has her own credits, but don't think you don't. who knows, mabey she thinks your great too. and the fact that she sends you all kinda stuff shows that she cares for you.
let go of that selfisness. it's not good for you.

• Jul 19, 2006
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