this story's going to be a long one...
oh and everybody's 16, most of us are sitting for our GCSE O levels (really major exams) but B isn't.
B (a friend who used to be close to me) sort of likes me, in the love kind of way but i don't like him back, but the problem is, he doesn't admit it though he probably knows he is. maybe i did in the past and did lead him on by text messaging him everyday and when his parents confiscated his handphone, i continued talking to him on the phone everyday and we went out at least three or four times in a month between november and december last year. that was when my whole 'family' thing began, encompassing various friends of mine from various schools (mostly from elite schools >.<) as different family members. so B became my elder brother pretty naturally.
at about november, i started text messaging another not-so-close friend of mine, W everyday and well, he and i became quite close and so i asked him to join my family. he asked to be my brother so i said ok.
so the routine was i'd message W everyday and i'd tell him about my problems and i'd talk to B everyday too, until about in early march this year, we had a 'family gathering' and then the monday after, i called B and we talked on the phone to about midnight and his parents caught him on the phone with me and they called my parents. so B's mum spread a hell lot of crap about me to my mum, causing me to lose my mum's trust. then my mum forced me to cut all ties with B and she checked my handphone records too (thankfully B had lost his handphone by then and his house number was a private number, so the records didn't really link me to him) and in short, i really cut ties with B.
at first i couldn't cope cos B was sort of like my emotional support and stuff like that, but slowly i became used to it and started confiding in W more than ever. i think B couldn't really cope without me too cos we were kind of... really close and stuff and he's the emo kind and always thinks about cutting his wrists (ok, he does cut his wrist) and committing suicide so... yeah. but that part was ok. cos the real problem only began much later.
after i sorta cut ties with B i just emailed him once in awhile. i admit, i used to say 'i love you' to him, but i had always meant it in a sibling sort of way. i don't know if he knew, but i don't think he does because unlike me, or any other 16 year old kid, he seems to be rather naive and is completely unable to differentiate between love, lust, like and crush. which makes things difficult because i cannot reject him like this. so anyway, i continued messaging W all the time and well, i know it's unfair to compare, but he's really been much better to me and i think the relationship between me and W is like that of best friends. but as i do post some stuff on my blog about what happens to me, B learns about me and W and in turn, he's somewhat jealous that W gets to solve all my problems for me etc etc and i'm like 'ummm okaays' cos i've got nothing to say to that.
oh and since W is my brother, it automatically makes B his brother too.
continuing. so there was this time where B started getting really weird, he kept messaging me (somehow he got his handphone back) and kept asking me if i loved him and i was all, 'what the hell?!'. he kept calling me in class and he messaged things like 'do you love me? i need to know. now.' and i'm like O.o and cos i didn't want to answer his calls, he started calling my other friends (who are also in my family) and harrassing them about me. apparently he has also been sort of 'harrassing' my other friend, V and all he calls her about is to talk about me. and she's frustrated with his behaviour but she doesn't want to hurt him cos we're all quite good friends and he keeps crying to her at night so she kind of... feels sorry for him. but she's irrtated with B because he's like a child, when he has a new toy, he'll just throw the old one aside.
B had been introduced to cosplaying by me and now he is a cosplayer, so while the cosplaying conventions had been going on basically he just buried himself in cosplaying and stopped harrassing all of us. which was OK, but then again everything ended and now he's back. he doesn't have important exams to worry about, but me, V and W all have.
W has tried to counsel B because W has in a sense, been there, done that cos he was suicidal etc before, but B is sort of afraid of W cos W acted gay and flirted with B once. and plus, B is kind of jealous of W, so nothing W says would really work.
basically, all i want to do is just for B and me to become normal friends. i don't know if pretending i have a boyfriend and thus i'd be unable to care so much for B as i used to before would work, but W has warned me that it might backfire on me and hurt B even more. and now, even V can't help me at all.
right now i couldn't really care if B really liked me in the love kind of way any more, but i really need a solution to my huge mess of a problem. i don't want to ask my other friends for help because there's a lot of things that i guess i've hidden so well from them that i can't tell them any more, and most importantly, i've already embroiled W in this mess, i don't think i should trouble anyone else any more.
help, please? T.T
oh and to know the full story (with it's 'updates' and all on how i screwed up more) please read the whole forum thread... thanks. >.<
