Something you want to say...

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pandemonium91

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pandemonium91

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Most of us bite our tongues sometimes and avoid saying certain things, either because we're afraid of what may happen or don't want to ruin a relationship.
For example, a friend bought you a gift and is very happy about it, but you think it's ugly; when your friend asks if you like it, you can either confess to not liking it (and possibly offend them) or just nod and say you love it (even though you don't).

I'm not that happy about the educational path I've chosen, but I can't tell my parents about it because of certain circumstances. So I just move forward and try to make the best of it instead.

So, what is something you've been wanting to tell someone for a while, but haven't worked up the courage to yet? Or you won't, because it's hurtful and you don't want things to change.

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YukariSendou

YukariSendou

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Actually, I also have some problems in school that I can't tell to my parents T^T. Coz, I don't want them to worry about my problems. And yes, I also same Like you ^^, just do my best and go forward until my school is over (graduated) ^^. If I tell them, they will ask me to move to other school and have to cost a lot of money. I don't want them to cost a lot of money because of me T^T.

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angelxxuan

angelxxuan

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I use to be like that, but, even though honesty can and possibly will hurt someone's feelings it's better than living with guilt or feeling ill about your choice not to tell them about something. taught my parents to invest in gift cards, and taught my extended family I'm tired of their crap and abuse and I'm not going to take it any more. honesty is a kill joy as well, but trust me, I feel better when I'm honest. people are either going to accept it, or they are going to stop talking to you and being your friend. no sense in holding in the pain and then letting it go on the net either, which I see a lot of people do all the time. >.<

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pandemonium91

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pandemonium91

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Quote by angelxxuanI use to be like that, but, even though honesty can and possibly will hurt someone's feelings it's better than living with guilt or feeling ill about your choice not to tell them about something. taught my parents to invest in gift cards, and taught my extended family I'm tired of their crap and abuse and I'm not going to take it any more. honesty is a kill joy as well, but trust me, I feel better when I'm honest. people are either going to accept it, or they are going to stop talking to you and being your friend. no sense in holding in the pain and then letting it go on the net either, which I see a lot of people do all the time. >.<

Sure, but there are some situations where being honest would probably end up causing more pain than not saying anything at all.

Hypothetical situation (slightly based on a real one): a woman is abused by her father. The father dies, and she goes on to live her life, gets married and has kids. There is no point in her telling the kids about it, since their grandfather isn't a threat to them and the past can't be changed; the truth would only hurt the kids and complicate the life of the family.

Another situation is the one in my first post. Would you tell your friend that you hate the gift they got you (reject it), or would you smile, nod and thank them? Assuming the gift is something they've put thought into, not just something bought in a hurry and with no deeper meaning.

There's definitely the fear of being a killjoy, though, I've been there :\ I think the attitude towards your family is reasonable, telling them that they're bothering you is absolutely the way to go instead of keeping it all in. As far as I've seen, it's all in the situation and up to you if you want to say what you think or keep it to yourself.

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angelxxuan

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I have told my parents and grandparents I didn't like a gift, give me gift cards or give me nothing at all, I have told them that. anything we say or don't say can and will hurt a person. if the situation came up, first case of the abusive father, I would tell my family about it. sure the past can't be changed but there's no point in making the same mistake. genetics can pass, so, thus telling the kids the past, at the proper age (let's say teenage perhaps) that their father was abusive then so be it. I rather like being told about my ancestors, but everyone's different, some have thick skin and want to learn their past and their past's past, others have thin skin and want to be all nice and sweet and hide in the corner like good little sheep. sure there's a balance, so I know when to go around people when the balance tips too dangerous into the wrong direction :O and it's truth, you can either tell such and such the truth and hurt you/situation and the friendship or, like me, you might find comfort in honesty, explain the situation and move on. I have found relationships greatly strengthen when people take the time to be honest with me and not sugar coat lies and be all blah blah thank you blah blah when in fact they hate it with a passion or they don't care for a personality out of check and so forth. anger can stir, but honesty still the best policy. online, meh, it's online people are going to either be truthfully honest or point out lie, what they say behind a screen name can be just as harmful and hurtful as being said to one's face, in my opinion.

Undertaker:Kuroshitsuji: How sad it would be, should laughter disappear.


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pandemonium91

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pandemonium91

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In my example, the mom's father is abusive, so that would make him the kids' grandfather. That's what I think about it anyway, if the mom hasn't turned into an abuser herself, the kids don't need to know about their mom's dark past unless they happen to ask (and the parents decide they can handle it).
Having thin skin doesn't mean you're a sheep though. You might just be uncomfortable hearing certain things. There are some who can't watch more violent or horror movies, for example. Of course, there are also some who want to know as much about their family as they can, and others who don't care about their family's past at all.

Quote: sure there's a balance, so I know when to go around people when the balance tips too dangerous into the wrong direction :O

This is such an underrated skill. It's very important to read the mood before you act, true~

Quote: I have found relationships greatly strengthen when people take the time to be honest with me and not sugar coat lies

Following the gift example but switching it around, I think it'd be much more offensive to pretend that you like it (poorly) and to have your friend guess your actual opinion, than to outright tell them that you don't like it that much. It's an unpleasant situation either way :\ But yeah, you're either a poor liar and get caught trying to sugarcoat things, or you lie convincingly to prevent a conflict.

Quote: what they say behind a screen name can be just as harmful and hurtful as being said to one's face, in my opinion.

Spot on. I've come across numerous cases where those posting seemed to forget they were talking to human beings, sadly.

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shadowwhuntress

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I really want to tell this certain someone that I still have feelings for him even after two years of 'closure'. But then I can't because I currently have someone who makes me happy, and I want to make him happy, too.

The story's this:

Spoiler (show)

I really liked someone in my first year of high school and I thought that it's just the usual happy crush. I thought everything was under control, but then things got out of hand and I started to like him seriously. I did crazy things and I didn't mind how stupid I must have looked by then. I didn't want to think I was in love because I didn't really know what it meant to love someone. But now that I'm older and wiser, I can totally say that that was love and still is. After some months, he told me that he also liked me. I was so happy. When he confessed to me, it was thru a social network and I remember hiding in our comfort room to hide my happiness. My cheeks were burning and I was jumping out of joy.
Things were progressing slowly and sweetly, but then suddenly we had to part ways. He promised he wouldn't change, and we'd only get stronger, but yes, people change and feelings change. He found another girl he's interested with, and fell in love. Now they're going strong and will be celebrating their first year anniversary this week.

I must have looked like a zombie for the first six months after that "break-up" (but there's no break-up since there's no us), then he came along.

Gaaaah, now everything's going back to me now, and I miss everything... but I can't afford to lose this someone, because he healed me and I can't afford to get hurt again. It's sad, but it's the truth... love hurts. :(

This is getting too long but yeah sometimes I cry and remember the good times... and my first love.


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pandemonium91

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I think you're the person Adele was inspired to write Someone Like You by ^^"
I'm not sure how confessing you still like him might help both of you. If he's still with the other girl, he must really love her. Both of you might be uncomfortable and wouldn't know what to do if you told him: would he agree to sacrifice a one-year relationship and come back to you? Would you expect him to leave her for you? Would you leave your current boyfriend for the old one?

It comes down to you and how you want to handle things: leave things the way they are (keep your feelings to yourself), or tell your first love and your current boyfriend how you actually feel. There's an old proverb that goes "Chase two rabbits and catch none." - that is, if you try to have both, you will most likely end up losing both. I'm sure you've thought about this a lot, so it's up to you now to decide if you're happy with your current boyfriend/situation, or you really would like things to go back to the way they were.

Sometimes a first love is just that, a first love. There's a reason the "first" is there, too ^_~ You'll inevitably compare everyone to him, and you'll have to decide to either move on or try to get him back.

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shadowwhuntress

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Right now, we're in good terms but it took us about two years before we became "normal" to each other, though. Normal, for me, is when he tells me jokes and he doesn't look any other way when we pass by the same road.

There was a time though that the two of us girls took turns in being with him. Yep, the boy was too kind to reject me, and it's quite okay for the other girl... which is weird. But then I stopped it less than a week because I decided that I'm too good to be a mistress (ahaha), and it didn't look good.

My new year's resolution this 2014 is to forget him COMPLETELY, and I think I can do it.

"Chase two rabbits and catch none." > THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST FITTING STATEMENT TO ME RIGHT NOW
and...

"First love makes a person grow, while last love completes them." :)

There will always be times when I'll remember him, but I guess that's just how memories work.

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pandemonium91

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...Maybe you could consider a polyamorous relationship, if both him and her are OK with it. That way you wouldn't be a mistress! :) But ultimately, all that matters is enjoying what you have now and working towards what you'd like to enjoy in the future. Hanging on to memories can be a dangerous path. Best of luck to you~

Quote: First love makes a person grow, while last love completes them." :)

That's one of the most beautiful quotes I've ever read :') Truly something to keep in mind.

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shadowwhuntress

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I'm glad there is a thread like this. I usually keep this just to myself because I think that my friends will not understand and I kind of think that they'll get annoyed of me, but after posting my story, I got a sense of relief. Having someone listen and give me pieces of advice really helps take off some heaviness from my chest... :D

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Darthas

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Darthas

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Point of view and the idea that people always have something to prove, are never satisfied with what they have, can never make do with the minimum settings, are always in a constant state of whining and can't tell simple differences.

It's tiresome when being exposed to it for too long, but I suppose this is what happens when you let 11 year olds use the internet.

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[20:56] DXBlair: its a placement poll..not a countdown idiot
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Valuna

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Valuna

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@shadowhuntress: You won't forget your first love, just like many other first experiences. That might be a negative side about it because he will remind you of things in many ways. Don't worry though..he wasn't able to love you in a way that it is unlikely that someone is able to love you more. Which...is a good thing. Don't haste on getting someone else, but be happy with yourself. There's nothing to regret or to have missed. Depending on your current relationship with him, you might want to consider telling your feelings to close this little first love chapter of yours.

Now...something I want to say.
Wish I could have some beef...but I'm only getting chicken, pork and lots of carbos. Any suggested "cheap" dishes that taste good? I'm truly getting sad from lack of variation >.>

These beautiful, fragile days are reborn, unfaded
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