jokes! tell me one I haven't heard before...

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thelunarmage I'm getting too old for this...

Okay it's been a while since I've posted in this thread, but here goes. I hope it isn't too dirty. I think it's just corny (me being bit of a computer nerd and all :D )

Son asks:
Daddy, how was I born?

DAD SAYS:
Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said:

You've Got Male!

Quote by Kachie-chan*Guy walks in on his Friend having a conversation on the telephone*
Friend: *to whoever on the phone* "Ya don't say.. Ya don't say.. Ya don't say!"
*Friend puts the phone down*Guy: *to friend* "Well.. What was that all about?.."
Friend: "He didn't say."
Hahaa, I know, I know - pretty bad! :D I think I saw it on a Film! Lol!

*rofl* That's so bad you should be shot! :D :D :D *lol*

Phantom: You alone can make my song take flight! It's over now, the music of the night! - The Phantom of the Opera

Jan 27, 2005
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Larghaz -~Broken Insanity~-

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and a part of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "ok, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine."

[The lack of confidence is the downfall of some. But overconfidence is the downfall of many.]

Jan 27, 2005
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failure I screwed up again

Well this is a groaner, but I really get a kick out of it for some reason:

One day I parked my car on the street, and I had thrown my bagpipes in the backseat. I was halfway to class when I realized I had left the car door unlocked! I ran back as fast as I could, but it was too late -- there was another set of bagpipes in my car :-/

Haha...ha... *cough*

**Insert witty siqnature line here.** || "Interesting anime quote" -- Cool Anime Character, Nifty Anime
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Jan 27, 2005
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Kachie-chan "Kay-chee-chan"

Quote by thelunarmage *rofl* That's so bad you should be shot! :D :D :D *lol*

Lmfao!! XD

Jan 27, 2005
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thelunarmage I'm getting too old for this...

Okay I've got another one, hopefully it doesn't upset either gender. ^_^'

three MEN
Three men were hiking through the forest, when they unexpectedly came upon
a large, raging, violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the
first man prayed to God,

"God, please give me the strength to cross the river." poof! God gave him
big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours
after almost drowning a couple of times.

Seeing what happened to the first man, the second man Prayed, "God, please
give me the strength and the tools to cross the river." poof! God gave the
second man a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row
across in about an hour after almost capsizing a couple of times.

Seeing what happened to man number one and two, the third man prayed,

"God please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross
this river." poof! He was turned into a woman. She looked at the map,
hiked upstream a couple hundred yards and walked across the bridge.

Phantom: You alone can make my song take flight! It's over now, the music of the night! - The Phantom of the Opera

Jan 27, 2005
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Chopstickz EH?!

heres how this one goes...its best when someone tells it rather then being read....

A guy has a job as a trucker. One day his boss tells him to deliever 10000 ice cubes from Maine to Chicago. On the way there a deer runs in front of the truck and he swerves and crashes and all 10000 ice cubes all scattered...The guy calls his boss and ask him what to do and his boss tells him to pick up all the ice cubes so he does...He call his boss later and tells him "well i found 9999 ice cubes but i just cudn't find the last one" so his boss says "well your fired'....

hehe not very funny eh? well how bout this one

a women is on a bus with her dog and they sit next to guy. The guy is smoking a big cigar so the women goes up to the guy and says "Sir do u mind putting out ur cigar its bothering my dog" the guy says "hey its a free country i can smoke if i want" the women ask again politely "please sir the smoke is bothering my dog can u please put it out" the guy says "its just a dumb dog" and he blows smoke in her face so now the women yells at him "if u don't put it out ill throw it out the window" and the guy yells back "if you throw this out the window ill throw your dog out the window" so the women yanks the cigar out of his mouth and tosses it out the window and then the guy picks up the dog and tosses it out the window...the bus driver looks in his rear view mirror and stops the bus when he sees the dog with something in it mouth....no its not the cigar but an ice cube XP

hehe these two jokes actually is one large one with an ironic twist... funny?

o_O-0
weeeeeeeee

Jan 28, 2005
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2bites

Here's two jokes one corny and one funny

Why did the bull where a bell? Because the horn didn't work.

A blonde boarded a plane and was not happy with her seat and moved to first class. The stewardess asked to see her ticket and told her that she needed to return to coach. The blonde replied "I'm blonde, beautiful, and going to Miami". The stewardess went to get the pilot and the pilot asked to see the blonde's ticket and asked her to return to coach. The blonde replied "I'm blonde, beautiful, and going to Miami". The pilot whispered into the blonde's ear and then the blonde got up and went back to coach. The stewardess asked the pilot what he had said to her. The pilot replied that he said first class was going to Las Vegas.

Jan 28, 2005
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Larghaz -~Broken Insanity~-

Frank was so excited with his new rifle so he took it and went bear hunting. While in the forest, he saw a small brown bear, so he took aim and shot it. Just then, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, Frank saw that it was a big black bear standing in front of him and it said "You have two choices: I can maul you to death, or we can have rough sex." Not wanting to die, Frank bent down, and the bear had his way with him.

It took Frank weeks to recover, and he swore revenge on the black bear. The next time he went hunting, he found the black bear and shot it. Then, Frank felt another tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw a grizzly bear in front of him and it offered him the same choices that the black bear gave him weeks ago. Again, Frank opted for the rough sex.

It took Frank seven months to recouperate from the ordeal, and he swore revenge on the grizzly. He went to the forest a third time, found the grizzly and shot it; and for the third time, Frank felt another tap on his shoulder. Turning around, Frank surprisedly sees a polar bear standing in front of him, and the polar bear said "Face it Frank, you don't come here for hunting, do you?"

[The lack of confidence is the downfall of some. But overconfidence is the downfall of many.]

Jan 29, 2005
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studio

This is the lamest of the lame *ya so sorry~* ^o^

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar

I'm really lacking wit today ^_^'

- This Free Life Crisis -

Jan 29, 2005
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thelunarmage I'm getting too old for this...

Here's a pretty lame joke as well. xd

a Ukrainian immigrant goes to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. He has to take an eye sight test.

The optician shows him a card with the letters

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

Can you read this?" the optician asks.

Read it?" the Ukrainian gentleman replies, "I know the guy!!!"

Phantom: You alone can make my song take flight! It's over now, the music of the night! - The Phantom of the Opera

Jan 31, 2005
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Kyrokushen Silent Masamune's Mercinary

Hey great jokes everyone I got a couple for ya

4 people board a plane
3 of them are rastafarians and 1 is a pastor
A fight begins ion the cockpit and the pilot is killed so...
the plane is going to crash
there are only 3 parachutes on boards
quichly 2 of the rastas run to take chutes and escape unharmed
The pastor gets to thelast chute efore the rasta and is about to jump when the rasta says wait priest I cant die now i will surely go to hell for my sins.
The pastor agrees and gives the rasta the chute. The rasta jumps out and goes down slowly with the chut so back up in the plane the pastor thinks that he cant wait to join God in Heaven so he jump to his death he quickly falls pass the rasta who is so competive he says Oh so this is a race and pops of his parachute

its funnier if told in person

Come to the Dark Side we have Cookies
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Prepare for a Revolution!

Aug 24, 2005
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