My friend lost her virginity and I don't know what to do

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Ok, first of all, she went overseas on an exchange program and we weren't that close friends because we rarely saw each other (our timetables are drastically different). However we used to be very close in the past and now we still sort of keep in touch although we go to separate schools. She has always been a little guy-crazy and was interested in topics regarding sex and such. That was what we didn't have in common and we sort of respected each others' different opinions since I'm a christian and she is an atheist.
When she got back to our country we chatted online and then all of a sudden she said she had lost her virginity. I was shocked and told her it was ok since it was her choice and when she asked me if I was angry with her I said I wasn't, but I did feel worried so I asked her to go for a checkup or something in case problems occur.
She did use protection and she's 18 and I'm not going to judge her actions since it is her choice.
The thing is I felt sad when she said she only knew the guy for a few hours and just did it for the experience...I'm scared she doesn't value herself enough since she did say she felt 'cheap' and I don't agree with what she did but I want to help her through if anything were to happen and if she regrets it or starts going into it deeper. But at the same time I don't want to sound like her mom chiding her or anything. I'm just worried that my attitude towards it may have been too easy-going and at the same time I also don't want to criticize something that she has chosen. I feel like crap,I don't know what to do.

  • Jan 18, 2009

melymay

melymay

Abomidable Snow-Woman

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Well, if she only knew him for a few hours he must have been really attractive/charming. I wouldn't blame her if that was the case - since I probably might have ended up doing the same thing as she did ^_^'

I do find it odd that she chose to lose it on a one night stand, but I'm not judging. Like you said, she's a sexual person. It's too late to turn back, but she shouldn't feel cheap at all. Just because a woman embraces her sexuality doesn't mean she's a slut or anything.

Gamefreak91

Gamefreak91

Challenger of Games

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There was nothing u can do. U do know that it was her choice of doing it, so all u need to do is stay with her for moral support. What u did was good since u showed concern for her actions, the thing is not to be too concerned and not to be overprotective or anything like that, it might sour your friendship. All u need to do is just balance your concern for her, worry about her at the right amount, and stay with her to show her that you're a true friend.

  • Jan 18, 2009

hope917

hope917

lifeisabeautifulsong

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I agree with how you feel... I'm the kind of person that is sensitive to almost everything going around me, whether they are directly related to me or not. Like you, I am pretty conservative and think that one should value her virginity. I see what you mean, because if something like that happened to any friend of mine, I'd feel deeply troubled. However, I really want to tell you that it wasn't your fault, and you shouldn't pry too much about the decision that she made. That is, if she is worried about her choice, listen to her and you could tell her honestly how you feel about it too. But if she's not concerned, you shouldn't be overly frantic about it. She's 18, so I'm guessing that what she did was not unprepared for. I think that whether women like to embrace their sexuality or to stay conservative, doesn't really matter with them being a good or bad person or friend. Personally, I don't agree with her decision, but you can't help that, right? I really see what you mean, and I'm feeling really bad now too... =( Don't stress yourself too much, but maybe give yourself a chance to rethink over how this affected you overall as a person, your views, and your future decisions. I hope things work out for you and your friend.

Music.

  • Jan 19, 2009

Suxinn

Suxinn

Greatest of all Clocks

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Well, a lot of girls nowadays lose their virginity at a much younger age (fifteen...fourteen, even!), so considering that she's already eighteen, it isn't really that bad.

If she starts feeling bad about it, you have to comfort her, of course, but, otherwise, you shouldn't bug her about it. It was her choice. Who knows how feels about it?

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Thanks to everyone who gave me advice on this! ^^ Yea, I've thought through about it and feel that I should just be there for my friend when she needs me, since she recently emailed me that her period hasn't come yet...I'm going to hope it does come but if anything were to happen she will need a lot of support.
I don't feel as sad or confused now, really thanks guys, after reading your replies and thinking through about things I feel like I've cleared up something in me. :)

  • Jan 21, 2009

sakurachristine

The Sexorcist

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accept. . . you can't take back what has already done. you may be disapointed but there is nothing you can do now. just take care of yourself

he might of broke my heart, he might of took away my love, he might of took away my strength, but he will never fully take me away.

  • Jan 21, 2009

hope917

hope917

lifeisabeautifulsong

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I hope you feel better!

Music.

  • Jan 23, 2009

shomai19

shomai19

seraphic_demon

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You were right to have her go to the doctor, who knows if the guy was infected or not. In terms of how you should feel about it, you're her friend and it's only natural for a friend to be worried...she is, however, already 18 and it's her decision so there's really nothing you or anyone else can do about it. Just being there as a friend, I think, is good enough.

Besides, the fact that she told you what happened means she regards you as a closer friend than you thought you two were.

Weep as much as you want and feel the hands of despair groping for your soul for nothing can ease the pain of losing your beloved like the gentle thrust of my pen. *poke*

---
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	ImageAvatar and sig by Melymay, thanks. ^^

  • Jan 23, 2009
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There is nothing she can do about it now and if she doesn't tell you that she feels bad, it's ok i guess. I mean if she chose to do it she shouldn't have regrets.

  • Jan 27, 2009

fujyoshi

fujyoshi

half elf flame haze

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well what do you have ta do wit it, its her virginity. Theres nothing you really can do that is unless her parents are strict and will probably disown her for something like that but even still I don't know /swt

meh sig banners are overrated

Gamefreak91

Gamefreak91

Challenger of Games

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See, that's the way to go, balance your concern for her and not get overconsumed by it.

  • Feb 11, 2009

animekikyoustormelissa

animekikyoustormelissa

~Most Impossiblites Are Reality

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my friend she lost her virginity (shes 16 since last month) and i feel the same way as u do, crap. she confinded in my neighbor first, hes 16 as well. But it wasnt until we ditched class that she told me. it was eating at her. though she loves the guy and wants to marry him, i feel guilty like somethings not right, i certainly dont know what to do. she could have waited. but she did it shes happy and i'll personal kill mitch(neighbor) if he says anything to anyone (a rumor). well my friend told me she only told my neighbor cause hes my lacky or something like that. i dont know what to do and i dont know what to say to u but at least im not the only friend going through something like this.

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Yea, I chatted with her about it again some time later and it turned out she had been planning on losing her virginity for quite a while now, she didn't want to do it with anyone 'special' like her bf because she's scared that it would lead to heartbreak or something. However she said after doing it, it didn't feel great like she thought it would be but she felt empty inside. Other than that, she's fine, no sickness or pregnancy, whew. I think I understand more on her decision after that and I'm also feeling kind of relieved she did think through it before doing anything at least. So now she's doing ok, :)
To animekikyoustormelissa: Thanks for letting me know about that, it's nice to know you're not going through it alone, ^^ I hope things will be fine on your side too! Yea, I guess it's their decision and at least your friend sounds like she really likes the guy.

  • Feb 12, 2009
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nothing can be done as she has already lost her virginity. She is old enough to decide on what she wants to do with herself therefore you be by her side if anything happens.

  • Feb 12, 2009

Northy

Northy

Guys are human as well.

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Wait, she had a boyfriend? Whom she basically cheated on, then?

  • Feb 12, 2009
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Slap her?

carlozzzzbr

carlozzzzbr

Otaku-freak soldier

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Quote by NorthyWait, she had a boyfriend? Whom she basically cheated on, then?

Lol, that was trully awesome.
She had a bf and to get some experience before doing it with him she did with anyone else?
Now thats new to me!

And of course it didnt felt so good, it was her first time with someone she doesnt even know! LOL!

Northy

Northy

Guys are human as well.

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Quote by carlozzzzbrShe had a bf and to get some experience before doing it with him she did with anyone else?
Now thats new to me!

And of course it didnt felt so good, it was her first time with someone she doesnt even know! LOL!

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y59/northevil/emoticons/facepalm.jpg

  • Feb 16, 2009

Alistare

Alistare

Stand Alone Complex

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Well look at it like this. What can you do really? I mean you can't help her find it like a lost contact lense. It's gone (her virginity), she's stupid for even doing what she did (sorry, but she is), and hopefuly you both learnd a valuable lesson about not doing stupid things like that again. ( well, it a little too late for your friend, but not for you.) Don't do it until you are ready. If your boyfriend really cares about you, he will wait.

I like to disturb the harmony of the pond by throwing a handful of pebbles in all at once. ~ Me
There are so many fragile things, after all. People break so easily. So do dreams and hearts. ~ Neil GaimanSignature Image

Northy

Northy

Guys are human as well.

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It's not that she chose to have sex with someone. Honestly, from the opening post, it sounded like she had the guy use a condom and all, which is a good precaution to take if you plan on making the step. Hell, until I learned that she had a boyfriend, whom was NOT the person she had sex with, I didn't really think she had done anything wrong.

But once that little bit of information entered the equation, my view of her actions took a nosedive. It's not that she had sex. It's that she went behind her boyfriend's back and had sex with someone else. Quite frankly, I think her boyfriend deserves to know about this.

  • Feb 16, 2009
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umm I don't want to sound like a prude but your friend is a straight up SLUT & A BIT@H in the making and you my dear should run for the hills. To hell with the "support" of such nasty behavior, the girl obviously has no damn respect for herself let alone her boyfriend and hell, the one night or day stand included. And I'm actually appalled by how calm and collective everyone has been about the issue. Is everyone here okay? I mean don't you people find anything wrong with this?

Quote by melymayWell, if she only knew him for a few hours he must have been really attractive/charming. I wouldn't blame her if that was the case - since I probably might have ended up doing the same thing as she did ^_^'

I do find it odd that she chose to lose it on a one night stand, but I'm not judging. Like you said, she's a sexual person. It's too late to turn back, but she shouldn't feel cheap at all. Just because a woman embraces her sexuality doesn't mean she's a slut or anything.

X-P Girl, you need to value life more and grow as person (not a slut) because you are seriously shallow to make such a statement. Sleeping with someone within a few hours hell I think your lying it would be more like minutes for you if he's extremely attractive (to your standards) and you guys share the same taste in music. Anyway sleeping with someone you hardly know is just nasty. You are a sad person! :(

  • Feb 16, 2009
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your can't do much about it whats done is done. So just move on with it don't bring t up unless she wants to talk about it o.o?

  • Feb 17, 2009

Kan-tastic

Kan-tastic

Grind.

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Interesting how you had to mention you're Christian and she's Atheist.... almost like you're calling her impure or something.

I can't stay here with every single hope I had shattered...

  • Feb 17, 2009

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